Why is sex like Microsoft Windows?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."
Why'd the guy text his wife a picture of his limp dick?
Wanted to let her know he was thinking about her.