How can you tell if your wife's dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.
A wife went to see a therapist. "I've got a big problem. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely normal. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.
I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"
And that's when the fight started...
