Under Pressure

I ripped one watching the TV with my wife when she asked: "Why do men fart more than women?"

I told her: "'Cause women won't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure."

And that's when the fight started...

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

A hooker visits her doctor and asks him to put a hole in her hip.

The doc asks, "Why?"

The hooker tells him, "So I can do a little work on the side."