Looks Good To Me!

My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.

When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.

And that's when the fight started...

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Why are men like cars?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.

Cop: "Are you a natural blonde?" Blonde: "Yeah."

Tosses his ticket book, starts pulling down his zipper

Blonde: "Oh, no, not another Breathalyzer test."