Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're too bitter.
The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.
So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"
And that's when the fight started...
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)
Old Dick Johnson sometimes has to re-think relationships.
Right now I think I'm spending way too much time with my girlfriend's family... I think her husband is getting suspicious.
