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A Winning Idea

Category: And that's when the fight started...
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I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.

So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."

And that's when the fight started...

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A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"

"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.

"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."

This is No Bull

A guy and his wife are out for a drive in the country. They pass a field where they see a bull mount six cows in a row, one after the other. The wife remarks: "Too bad you can't perform like that."

The husband replies: "I could... if I get to change cows every time!"

And that's when the fight started...