Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!
Two rednecks are out fishing. The first one asks: "If I go to your house and fuck your wife and get her pregnant and she has a kid, would that make us kinfolk?"
The friend says: "Nope. That'd make us about even."
A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally had enough. She figured she would break him of that crazy habit. So one night, while they were right in the middle of a romantic session, she flipped on the lights.
To her shock she looked down and saw her husband was holding a giant dildo. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll explain the rubber dick if you explain the kids."
