It Takes Two

: Created: 21 February 2017; Hits: 1532

I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?

She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."

And that's when the fight started...

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Change is Necessary

How many Freudian psychaitrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis. Ladder! I meant ladder.

Doctor's Recommendation

A doctor is meeting with a husband after examining his wife. The doctor tells him: "Your wife's diagnosis is uncertain. She either has Aids or she has Alzheimers."

The husband asks: "What should I do, doc?"

The doctor advises him: "Drive her five miles outside of town and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

Depends On Where You Are

I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."

Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"

"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."