I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
What'd the blonde say when she saw a guy walking two dogs?
"He must be really blind."
My wife wanted to be a little adventurous. She told me she was up for making a sex tape.
I said, "Great, we should hold auditions for your part."
And that's when the fight started...
I came home last night with a half gallon of rocky road and asked my wife: "Want some ice cream?" So she responded: "How hard is it?" I told her with a wink: "As hard as my dick!"
She said: "Great, pour me some."
