I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
World population has become a big problem. Experts say every 4 seconds a woman gives birth to another baby.
Our problem? We have to find this woman and stop her.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The bartender looks at him and says: "Hey matey, do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your dick?"
The pirate replies: "Arrrgh... and it's driving me nuts!"