I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
Cop: "Are you a natural blonde?" Blonde: "Yeah."
Tosses his ticket book, starts pulling down his zipper
Blonde: "Oh, no, not another Breathalyzer test."
What's the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn't last forever.
What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?
Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.
