I just joined a brand new 13-step treatment program. I'm still on step 1 - becoming an alcoholic.
What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?
Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.
What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?
Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.
It was our anniversary and I was reminiscing with my wife. She asked if I could remember way back when.
I told her: "You know honey, I can remember where we got married and I can remember when we got married... I just can’t remember why."
And that's when the fight started.
