What's the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?
Spit, swallow, and gargle
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to fuck him, mom," the daughter interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"
So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."
And that's when the fight started...
