What's the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?
Spit, swallow, and gargle
A doctor told his patient her test results came back and she had a rare disease with only 6 months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time." the woman begged, "Isn't there anything I can do?"
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor told her. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Why aren't federal government employees allowed to look out the window in the morning?
Because then they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.
My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.
