A rabbi and a priest get into a bad car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Look at our cars...there's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God." The priest says, "I agree, this must be a sign from God."
The rabbi says, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, yet this bottle of Manischewitz wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune," and he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest says, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi says, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex... Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact family, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
