A guy is driving home when a cop pulls him over. The cop says, "Have you been drinking?" The guy says, "Yes, I have." The cop says, "Please step out of the car." The guy says, "Why? Don't you believe me?"
Jake the farmer has an incredibly nagging wife. One day he's out in the field, she brings his lunch to him, and then sits there and berates him while he's eating. Suddenly, the mule kicks up his back legs, smacking her in the head, and it kills her instantly.
At the wake, the minister notices that when a woman offers her sympathy, Jake nods his head up and down, but when a man comes up and speaks to him, he shakes his head from side to side. The minister says to Jake, "Why was it that you nod your head up and down to all the women and shake your head from side to side to all the men?"
Jake says, "The women all say how nice she looks, and how pretty her dress is. The men all say, Is that mule for sale?'"
