When her car conks out the old lady pushes it into a gas station. Soon the mechanic has it purring like a kitten. The old gal asks: "What's up?" He tells her: "Crap in the carburetor." She says: "How often do I have to do that?"
My buddy, at a party we threw, paid my wife a nice compliment. He told her: "You're really a good-looking women. Honest, I really mean it... I've only had one beer."
As my wife smiled back to thank him I quickly added: "Imagine how good she'll look after you've had two!"