Guy goes to his doctor for a checkup. After, they sit down in a private office to discuss the results. The doc starts with: "I have good news and I have bad news."
The guy says: "Give me the bad news doc." The doctor replies: "You've got cancer!"
The guy is shocked, but quickly asks: "So what's the good news?"
The doctor looks him in the eye and tells him: "I'm fucking the receptionist."
Pinnochio tells his Dad that whenever he has sex with a girl, she complains about the splinters. His father gives him a piece of sand paper and tells him to rub his dick with it before sex and it should solve the problem.
A few days later, his father asks: "How are things going with the girls?" Pinocchio tells him: "Girls... who needs girls?"
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back. "John?"
Little Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano."
