Say What?!

A guy says to his new girlfriend: "Why are you always playing with my balls?"

She says: "Because I miss mine."

What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seat belt.

Cop at door "Looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"

"Yeah but she's a nice person & good with the kids"

What does it mean when your wife is lying in bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.