How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?
Draw a dick on it.
What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives every woman wild?
A hundred dollar bill!
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!
Guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking its balls. The guy looks at the bartender and says: "Man I whish I could do that!"
The bartender tells him: "Better try petting him first!"
