How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?
Draw a dick on it.
What does bungee jumping & a hooker have in common?
Cost: a 100 bucks. If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the long face?"
I come home from work to find my wife in tears sobbing her mom passed away. She asks: "What should we do -- cremate her or bury her?"
I tell her: "Don't take any chances. Do both."
And that's when the fight started...
