What is more messed up than fingering your sister?
Pulling your finger out and finding your dad's wedding ring.
How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Three women were talking about what's it like in bed with their husbands.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an antique Chevy. I have to start it by hand and then jump on once it gets going."
A drunk's walking along and smacks right into a tree. He backs up a few steps and then walks into the tree again. And then he does it again!
Finally he mumbles to himself, "This is great. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and here I am, lost in the fuckin' forest."