What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breath through something that small?"
A drunk wakes up in a cemetery in a freshly-dug grave. He thinks: If I'm alive, why's there a tombstone? If I'm dead, why do I have to piss?
Last year, I bought my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
This year I didn't buy her anything..
When my wife asked me why I didn't buy her mother a gift this year I told her "Hey, she never used the gift I bought her last year!"
And that's when the fight started...
Two old ladies are sitting on the park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly the first one says to her friend: "Did you just fart?"
Her friend answers: "Of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"
