What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.
I turned my whole life around.
I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.
A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."
So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"
Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."
And that's when the fight started...
