Back On My ... Back

Broke hooker to girlfriend while walking the streets together: "Lend me 10 bucks till I'm on my back again"

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.

Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?

Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!

Little Johnny: "Where do babies come from?"

Mother: "The stork brings them."

Johnny: "Who fucks the stork?"