What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives every woman wild?
A hundred dollar bill!
What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?
A white chick's ass.
My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.
Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."
The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"
"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."
