Is She A Slut Or A Bitch?

The difference between a slut & a bitch? A slut will screw anyone. A bitch will screw anyone but you.

Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?

Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.

How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?

Wipe your dick on the curtains.

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."