Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?
Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.
My wife bought one of those do-it-yourself waxing kits. Really wanting to please me, she asked with a wink: "Should I do the sides and leave a little strip down the middle?"
I told her: "I'd prefer you have no moustache at all."
And that's when the fight started...
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
You know old Dick tries to stay pretty busy. Last week I did a benefit for the "Tempura House"... that's a shelter for lightly battered women.
