Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?
Because she knows she's given her last blowjob.
What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
A new last name.
1/3 of women not interested in sex. Me too. The 1/3 from the neck up...meh. From the tits down? I'm in.
Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."
She asked: "How do you know?"
I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."
And that's when the fight started.
