Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest & a pilot are in a plane that's about to crash.
The pilot says: "Well, we only have three parachutes, let's give them to the three Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them."
The lawyer says: "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"
The priest says: "Do we have time?"
Last Xmas Aunt Ellen hung herself.
As a traditional family, we didn't take her down until after New Year's.
My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"
Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."
And that's when the fight started...
