Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
A guy says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend asks, “Why not?”
The guy tells him, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
How is a woman like a hurricane?
When they come, they're loud and wet, and when they leave, they take your house and car.
Lying in bed watching TV with the wife I kept switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel.
So my wife grabbed the remote and barked: "For Christ's sake, leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish."
And that's when the fight started...
