Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Two guys were in a bar. The first one said: "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", his buddy asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"
He said, "Everybody."
My girlfriend's a real clean freak. She says it's disgusting to piss in the bathtub.
Next time maybe I should wait until she gets out.
