How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?
Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.
I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.
So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."
And that's when the fight started...
Broke hooker to girlfriend while walking the streets together: "Lend me 10 bucks till I'm on my back again"
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No. They're dead."
