My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
We were getting ready in the bathroom together when my wife started putting her deodorant on. Thinking she was being cute she asked: "What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?"
I told her: "The back of my hand."
And that's when the fight started...
My wife was fishing for a compliment. So she asked me: "So, do you think you married Miss Right."
I said: "Yeah, I just didn't know your first name was 'Always.'"
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.
