My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After two years, the job still sucks.
I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"
So I fucked her and disappeared.
Why can't lesbians adopt a child?
Because they don't serve minors to lickers.