My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
A guy says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend asks, “Why not?”
The guy tells him, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Bad things come in three's. Always in three's.
The other day I was screwing my girlfriend while her husband was on a business trip. First she said three words: "Is it in?"
Then she followed that with: "Are you done?"
And finally I heard the front door open and a man's voice shout out: "Honey, I'm home!"
A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."
So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
