The One Thing Not To Do
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
A son asks his father: "What's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'."
His father thinks for a moment then says: "Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with George Clooney for a million bucks."
So he does and mom says: "You bet I would!" The boy reports back to his father but still doesn't understand.
So the father says: "Now, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."
Off he goes to ask his sister and her reply is: "Absolutely!"
Finally the boy goes back to his dad and says: "I think I get it pop. 'Potentially' we are sitting on two million dollars here... but in 'reality' we're living with a couple of whores."
The only thing wrong with sex on television is that you could fall off.
I always wanted a pair of real cowboy boots. So I found a pair on sale and wore them home. Walking in the kitchen I asked my wife: "Notice anything different about me?" She looked up and said: "Nope."
So I figured how to fix that. I went into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again I asked her: "Notice anything different now?" This time she slowly looked me up and down, then said: "What's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Now I was really mad so I told her: "You know why it's hanging down. 'Cause it's lookin' at my new boots!" Without missing a beat she said" "Then you shoulda bought a hat."
And that's when the fight started...