A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

More Reliable Than A Pulse

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Not That Kind Of Table

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

Never Too Old To Learn

Lying in bed watching TV with the wife I kept switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel.

So my wife grabbed the remote and barked: "For Christ's sake, leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Never Trust A Lefty

The other day my wife and I were golfing when she suddenly asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" I told her, "No sweetie" but she shot right back with "Oh I'm sure you would." So to keep the peace I said "Okay, I would." Then she asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" and not knowing where this was going I told her, "Yeah... I guess so."

Finally she asked me, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" and I told her, "No, she's left handed."

And that's when the fight started...

I Wanna Put My Balls In It!

How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?

Even the pool table has no balls.

One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.