DJ of the Day

What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans on?

A white chick's ass.

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the shit out of their dogs!

My wife and I were having our usual debate over which of two sexes... male or female... who's superior.

So I asked her: "Do you know the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?" She said, "What?"

I told her: "One's a superhero and the other is an instruction."

And that's when the fight started...

Easy, inexpensive way to get rid of weeds: Put 2 cups of Epsom salt and a 1/4 cup of dish soap in a gallon of vinegar. Shake well.

Then tell your family you're going to mix it in their food if they don't get off their lazy asses and go outside and yank up the goddamned crabgrass.

How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?

Put up a "Bingo" sign.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

...so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started...

Dick's Joke of the Day