What A Ride!
Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"
Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"
Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
Harry is 85 when he gets married to a 22-year-old. One night after his honeymoon he shows up at the local bar where all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.
"Well," Harry tells them, "We got to the hotel and my youngest son helped me out. First he carried me up the stairs. Then he helped me get undressed. Finally he lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off her."
One of his buddies asks him, "Why did it take your three sons to lift you off?"
Harry says, "'Cause I fought 'em."
The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"
While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.
So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.
Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.
Last night I smiled at my wife and asked: "Honey, will you do something with your mouth that all men love?" She smiled back coyly and said: "And what is that, darling?"
I said: "Close it!"
And that's when the fight started...