My wife thought I was too damn bossy, always acting like a typical male, so she called me a male chauvinist pig.
I looked at her sweetly and said: "Honey, the only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig is a woman who won't do what she's told."
And that's when the fight started...
I don't want to brag... but I have an incredible sex drive.
The one fat chick who'll screw me lives 100 miles away!
Why did the chicken fall into the well?
He didn't see that well.
My wife and I attended a lecture on diet and health given by a prominent doctor.
"The things we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago." He said. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode our stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous. And none of us realize the long-term harm caused by impurities in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten it, or will eat it. Can anyone tell me what we eat that causes the most grief and suffering lasting for years after we eat it?"
I leaned over to my wife and whispered "I think he means wedding cake."
And that's when the fight started...