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Dick's Joke of the Day

Flowers For Valentines Day

My wife called me on Valentines Day and said, "Three of the girls here in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "That's probably why they received flowers."

And that's when the fight started...

Who's My Real Dad?

A son asks, "Dad, how come I have brown skin and you are white?"

"Well son, just take a look at your mother,".

"But Dad, she's not black either."

"I know, you idiot! She's a fucking whore!"

Needed A Better Lawyer

What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?

All Ken's stuff.

Just Drop It In

My wife stripped naked last night and stood on her head. I asked: "What the hell are you doing?"

She said: "Well... if you can't get it up again tonight, I thought maybe you could just drop it in!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

I Know Her By Reputation

How do you know who gives a good blow job?

Word of mouth.

Stir Fry And Panties

How's a frying pan hanging on the wall like a woman's panties?

You have to get them down before you can put the meat in.

They Don't Teach This In School

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."