A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Learn To Drive

Why are men like cars?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.

Not Quite Like Yeezys

Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?

They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Get A Job

I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people.

It needs more work.

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"

Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Go Both Ways

Old Dick is ambidextrous. Yep! I can swing a bat from both sides of the plate, & jerk off with both hands.

How Much Do You Want It?

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to tie the knot. But before the wedding they sat down to have a long conversation about how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, sharing the chores, family and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of the intimate side of their relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather hopefully.

"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," his bride to be responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

Counting Sheep

A blonde is tired of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she dies her hair black. Then one day she drives past a farm and sees a farmer with his flock of sheep. She stops and says to the farmer, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you let me have one?"

The farmer says, "Sure". She says, "112." The farmer says, "That's incredible. You're exactly right."

As the girl reaches for her prize and is putting it in her back seat, the farmer says, "Hey...if I can guess what color your hair used to be, can I have my dog back?"