A hooker visits her doctor and asks him to put a hole in her hip.
The doc asks, "Why?"
The hooker tells him, "So I can do a little work on the side."
Where does a one-legged waitress work?
IHOP
What's her name?
Ilene
Wife to her husband in frustration: "Get the fuck out." Then, as he's leaving, she adds, "I hope you die a slow painful death."
He turns back to her and says, "So now you want me to stay?"
And that's when the REAL fight started...