I have the worst luck when it comes to scoring with chicks. Last night I got this cute little number back to my place and made my move with, "So you want to have sex?"
She said, "Well, I don't normally do this... but I think I'm gonna pass."
A guy visits a psychiatrist and lies on the couch. The doc asks: "What's your problem?"
The guy tells him, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat fuck?"
How's a sun-tanned girl like a roast chicken?
The white parts are the best.
A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.
The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.
On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."
The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"
The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."
The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"
And that's when the fight started...