DJ of the Day

Two Is Better Than One

Mark and Alex are hanging out at home one cold winter day. Alex asks his friend "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you go upstairs and get me my fuckin' slippers?"

So Alex goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Mark's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother just sent me up her to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Yeah. Prove it!"

So Alex yells downstairs, "Hey Mark! Both of them?!"

Mark yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!"

One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

More Just Plain Funny!

Sex Change

What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?

A tran-sister.

Don't Miss This Fight!

At The Cattle Auction

My wife was amazed to read about a farmer who claimed he sold a cow with a pussy like a woman for $10,000.

I told her: "That's not amazing, that's irony. Here I am with you... a pussy like a cow, and you ain't worth shit."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Salad

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?

Seizure Salad.

Get My Gun

There once was a farmer who had three daughters. All three were going on a date on the same night, so he decided to meet their dates at the front door with a shotgun, just to let them know he was protective.

The first boy showed up and said "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way.

Then the second boy arrived and he said "Hi, my name is Freddie, I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way as well.

Finally, the third boy arrived and he said "Hi my name is Chuck, ..." And the farmer shot him.

After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"