Good Advice

I'm feeling a bit more mature these days so I wasn't embarrassed walking into the drug store to buy condoms. That is, until the woman behind the counter advised me, 'Save your money -- buy a lottery ticket.'

Not For Instagram

Why'd the guy text his wife a picture of his limp dick?

Wanted to let her know he was thinking about her.

The Latest Technology

I told my pal: "I got a brand new digital hearing aid, $10,000!" "What kind is it?" he asked.

"Six-thirty."

This Time It's The Husband's Turn

My wife seemed a little down in the dumps. So I offered her some advice: "Honey, cheer up. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things in life."

She looked at me and replied: "How do you think I've stuck with you?"

And that's when the fight started...