Reason To Stay Single

The laundromat: a bad place to find chicks.

If she can't afford a washing machine how can she support you?

Back To Her Place

A guy takes his date back to her place. He gets her up to her bedroom where he sees a wall full of fluffy toys.

After he fucks her he asks her: "How was I?"

She says: "Take anything from the bottom shelf."

Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Paper or Plastic?

A guy stops in to the drugstore with his wife to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.

"No", the guy says, "she's not that ugly!"

And that's when the fight started...