The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"
She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."
The difference between a whore & a bitch?
A whore fucks everyone at the party. The bitch? Everyone but you.
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."
I'm laying back after screwing my wife & she whispers: "Honey, I think I'll call you the bus?"
I asked why and she said, "Because you always stop before I get off!"
And that's when the fight started...