A guy was complaining to his buddy: "Man, I had it all - money, a big house, a luxury car, and most of all the love of a beautiful woman. And then POOF... just like that it was gone!"
'What happened?' asked his friend.
"My wife found out..."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why can't lesbians adopt a child?
Because they don't serve minors to lickers.
My wife called me on Valentines Day and said, "Three of the girls here in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "That's probably why they received flowers."
And that's when the fight started...