Little schoolgirl asks her mom: "Is it true that babies come out where boys put their wieners in?" "Yes, honey." her mom assures her.
"Won't that knock my teeth out?"
An elderly Italian man went to his parish priest to make confession. He told the priest, "Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess." said the priest.
"It's worse, Father. I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with sex" continued the old man. The priest thought for a moment then told him, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you both would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found you were hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the bad, and judge you kindly."
"Thanks, Father." said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Say, can I ask one more question?" "Certainly, my son." said the priest. The old man asked him, "Do I need to tell her the war's over?"
I saw my wife bought one of those new Wonder Bras.
Goofing around I told her: "You know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where your tits went."
And that's when the fight started...