Who'd You Call An Asshole?
A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up & says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."
A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up & says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention.
The Jew, bragging about his virility said, "I have four sons, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!"
The Catholic pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That’s nothing, I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You guys don't have a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I’ll have a golf course!"
Jack and his buddies were hanging out, planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, Jack had to tell them that he couldn't make it because his wife wouldn't let him go. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Jack headed home frustrated and depressed.
The following week when all the guys arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Jack sitting in his camp chair next to a roaring campfire with a cold beer in his hand. "How did you talk your wife into letting you come?" the guys asked.
"I didn't have to," Jack replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I came home, grabbed a beer, and slumped down in the couch ready to drown my sorrows knowing I couldn't go fishing with you guys. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me, covered my eyes and yelled, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back and spun around, there she was standing in front of me in a beautiful see through negligee. In a low voice she whispered, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' And so... here I am!"
I took my wife to the art gallery. The 1st picture was a naked women with a small patch of leaves over her private parts. My wife didn't like it so she said: "Let's keep going."
When I didn't follow right away she turned and asked: "What are you waiting for?"
I told her: "Autumn."
And that's when the fight started...