A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

The New Pet

A guy is just miserable.  So he decides to cheer himself up and get a pet. At the pet store the owner takes him in to the back and shows him a toothless hamster.

The guy looks at it and says: "That's the ugliest thing I ever saw."

The store owner says: "Maybe so, but it will give you the best blowjob you ever had."

So the guy tries it and it's fantastic. He buys the hamster and heads home.

When he gets there his wife sees the ugly little creature and says: "What the hell is that?"

The guy says: "Never mind. Just teach it to cook and then get the fuck out."

In The Blink Of An Eye

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

Very Descriptive

What would you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a box with his arms and legs?

Kit.

A Simple Request

Last night I smiled at my wife and asked: "Honey, will you do something with your mouth that all men love?" She smiled back coyly and said: "And what is that, darling?"

I said: "Close it!"

And that's when the fight started...

 

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In This Corner

What's it called when a WWE wrestler ties his opponent's dick in a knot?

A Willie Nelson.

A Natural Reaction

A wife went to see a therapist. "I've got a big problem. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely normal. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

Can Lawyers Swim?

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean.

A good start.