Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."
Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
A husband sees his wife is getting ready to prepare for Passover. "This year I really want to help out." he tells her, "Whatever you need me to do, ask... I will do it." His wife tells him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the best thing you can do to help is to leave the house and let me get my work done without any interruptions." So the husband does exactly what she asks and leaves.
Three hours later his wife hears him come back in. She shouts, "I thought I told that the best way to help me would be to leave." He responds, "You expect me to help the whole day?"
And that's when the fight started...