Turn The Beat Around

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we screw,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when he's banging me,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

Gobble gobble

What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

What... you didn't see that coming?

Bachelor Lifestyle

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Call A Cleaning Lady

My wife and I were discussing the current state of NASA and the space program. She asked: "Why do you think they never sent a woman to the moon?"

I told her: "'Cause it doesn't need cleaning."

And that's when the fight started...