A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Growing Up

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts.

(Oh yeah, I'll be here all night...)

What Rhymes With Hibernation?

It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes.

His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?"

He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!"

Will Help The Commute

Gal tells her friend, "I just read it's against the law to go topless in the New York subway."

Her friend says, "Thank God. It's bad enough when you catch your scarf in those doors."

Her Most Affectionate Name

I'm laying back after screwing my wife & she whispers: "Honey, I think I'll call you the bus?"

I asked why and she said, "Because you always stop before I get off!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Total Recall Times Two

Why is the area between her breasts & hips called a waist?

You could easily fit another pair of tits there!

One Night Stand

A man and a woman, who are both married to other people, arrive at a hotel at the same time. The clerk tells them there is only one room left... And after an awkward moment they both agree to share it. Although they feel weird at first, they both manage to fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the night?"

The man replies, "That would be amazing."

The woman smiles and says, "Okay. Get your own fucking blanket!"

All Roads Lead to the Bar

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.