A man goes to a fancy costume party wearing only a glass jar on his dick. A woman asks, "So what are you?" He tells her, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar" she replies.
"Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob, and I'll come as fast as I can!"
A married couple thought they were way too interested in sex, so they decided to make love only in the months that had an "R" in them. This worked OK until they hit May, June, and July.
Finally, the husband came home from work onr night and asked his wife, "What month is it?"
She looked up at him and smiled, "Aurgust,"
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
I was walking in the park the other day with my wife when she pointed to a young couple sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" she asked.
"Honey," I replied, "I don't even know that woman!"
And that's when the fight started...