DJ of the Day

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.

What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?

A fucking know-it-all.

Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.

I bet my wife she couldn't piss me off and make me happy at the same time.

"No problem" was her reply, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's."

And that's when the fight started...

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop anytime.

Dick's Joke of the Day