What Are Fences For?
My neighbor looked over the fence and asked: "What are you doing?" I told her: "My goldfish died. I have to bury him."
"Why such a big hole?" she asked.
"'Cause he's inside your fucking cat."
My neighbor looked over the fence and asked: "What are you doing?" I told her: "My goldfish died. I have to bury him."
"Why such a big hole?" she asked.
"'Cause he's inside your fucking cat."
Little Johnny was in sex ed class when the teacher began a discussion about genitals. Johnny shouted out, "My old man has got two of those"
The teacher was shocked and asked Johnny to explain.
"Well, the small one he uses when he takes a piss. And the large one he uses to brush the baby sitter's teeth."
Three Labrador retrievers - chocolate, yellow, and black - are in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.
The black lab turns to the chocolate and says, "So why are you here?" The chocolate lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything – the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the chocolate lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over
the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
Then the yellow lab turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for. "I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending over to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and chocolate labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"
The black lab says, ‘Nah... just here to get my nails clipped."
A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"
And that's when the fight started...