Relationship Expert

What's a platonic relationship?

That's a friendship between a girl and a guy who wants to fuck her. 

Let's Get It On

What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Let's Pretend

Sally: "Let's play house."

Little Johnny: "What do I do?"

Sally: "Communicate your feelings."

Johnny: "How do I do that?"

Sally: "Perfect. You can be the husband!"

Save A Trip To The Pet Shop

I asked my wife if we should get a pet for around the house.

She said she already has all the pets she needs: A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for everything.

And that's when the fight started...