Two gals were shopping at the supermarket. The first one grabs a good sized potato in each hand and says, "These remind me of my husband's balls."
Her friend looked impressed and replied, "That big, huh?"
"Nope," was the response, "That dirty."
Little Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way.
Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearin' your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards!"
How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde?
They both don't exist!
Lying in bed watching TV with the wife I kept switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel.
So my wife grabbed the remote and barked: "For Christ's sake, leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish."
And that's when the fight started...