Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other: "Man, was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!"
His buddy signs back: "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen." The fist guy signs: "How do you do that?"
His friend signs to him: "Easy! I turn the lights off!"
Why's a sheep better than a woman?
A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
It's Valentine's day! So ladies, don't you worry about getting me what you got me last year.
I have enough restraining orders already.
My wife and I were talking about the differences between little boys and little girls. I asked her: "Why don't little girls fart like little boys do?"
She answered: "Because they don't get assholes until they're married."
And that's when the fight started...