A farmer bursts into the bedroom with his wife in bed and a sheep under his arm. He yells, "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache!" The wife looks up and says, "That's not pig dumbass, it's a sheep!"
The farmer looks over and shouts: "Quiet! I wasn't talking to you!"
And that's when the fight started...
What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?
Call her a cab ... her job is done.
A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.
Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."
One night my wife tried to get a rise out of me and make me jealous. She asked: "Honey, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?"
I told her: "I'd say you're a lesbian!"
And that's when the fight started...