A guy was complaining to his buddy: "Man, I had it all - money, a big house, a luxury car, and most of all the love of a beautiful woman. And then POOF... just like that it was gone!"
'What happened?' asked his friend.
"My wife found out..."
Two guys are having a couple of beers and talking about their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asks the first one.
"Well, not exactly," replies his friend. "She just pretends to be a dog." "Very kinky." says the first guy.
"Well, not really... Whenever I lean over and whisper let's do it doggy style, she rolls over and plays dead."
A drunk's walking along and smacks right into a tree. He backs up a few steps and then walks into the tree again. And then he does it again!
Finally he mumbles to himself, "This is great. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and here I am, lost in the fuckin' forest."
My wife and I were talking about what turns men and women on. I asked her: "Why do you think men like big tits and a tight ass?"
She said: "In your case because you’ve got a big mouth and a small dick."
And that's when the fight started...