Something Magical

I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

Depends on Your Persepctive

My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.

I thought she was just shallow.

The Miracle Of Hanukkah

How does one explain the miracle of Hanukkah to todays generation?

Tell them that it's like if they charged their smartphone to last for 1 day, but it ended up lasting 8 days!

Do I Know You?

My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.

So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"

And that's when the fight started...