Another Problem To Solve

Hired a 19 year-old Danish girl with huge tits to babysit.

Now where the fuck am I going to get some kids?

Bring Out The Tape Measure

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Same Facts, Different Conclusion

Guy to his friend: "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes & no clothes to wear."

Friend tells him: "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."

A Night Out On The Town

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

...so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started...