A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

New Business

Here at Dick Joke of the Day we are thinking about selling our own brand of T-Shirts.

They'll read: "LIFE'S A DICK. WHEN IT GETS HARD, FUCK IT!"

Do What Mama Says

His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."

He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"

Can Lawyers Swim?

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean.

A good start.

Her Most Affectionate Name

I'm laying back after screwing my wife & she whispers: "Honey, I think I'll call you the bus?"

I asked why and she said, "Because you always stop before I get off!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Pillow Fight

What does it mean when your wife is lying in bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Who Was Your Kid Named After

We named our daughter after my wife's mother.

Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week.

Open Wide

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yeah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"