Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?
He's probably home watching football or something.
A cop was patrolling the local lover's lane when he drove by a car with a couple inside and the dome light on. It appeared that the young man in the driver’s seat was reading a computer magazine and the young lady was in the back seat knitting. Stopping to investigate the cop knocked on driver’s window. The young man rolled the window down and said, "Yes officer?"
"What are you doing?" the cop asks. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I’m reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like?, She's knitting."
"How old are you?" the officer asked the young man. "I’m nineteen." he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be eighteen."
My wife asked me: "Why do you go out on the balcony every time I start to sing?"
I told her: "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm beating you."
And that's when the fight started...