A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Sounds Like My Ex-Wife

What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?

She just kinda lays there.

Gonna need about 20 minutes

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?

Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.

That's Why They Name Hurricanes After Women

How is a woman like a hurricane?

When they come, they're loud and wet, and when they leave, they take your house and car.

A Matter of Timing

My wife and I were discussing the recent death of a friend. She asked me: "Why do you think men die before their wives?" 

I said: "Because they want to."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Save A Trip To The Pet Shop

I asked my wife if we should get a pet for around the house.

She said she already has all the pets she needs: A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for everything.

And that's when the fight started...

Runs In The Family

Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"

"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"

Let's Just Pretend

A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"

And that's when the fight started...