Pirate Walks Into A Bar
Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?
Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.
Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?
Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.
Why is a pussy like the weather?
Because once it's wet, you know it's time to go inside.
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I told her I got a girlfriend.
And that's when the fight started...