A daughter asks her mother, "How many different kinds of dicks are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases in his life. In his 20s, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
The body parts were all arguing about who should be in charge. The heart said: "I pump the blood that keeps us all alive. I should be the boss." The lungs said: "Without us sucking air, we'd all die." And so all the parts... the eyes, the ears, the hands all made their case. Finally the brain said: "I control all of you. That makes me the right choice. I make the decisions... so I'm the boss!"
While the parts were all considering the brain's strong argument, the asshole chimed in: "I'm the most important! I want to be the boss." Whereupon all the body parts laughed in his face.
So the asshole closed up. In a few days the heart pumped slower, it was harder to breathe, the eyes were watering, the hands were weak. Finally all the parts had to agree... the asshole could be in charge.
Which proves that you don't have to have brains to be the boss, you just have to be an asshole.
Johnson finds wife in bed with a friend, shoots him.
"Keep behaving like that you'll lose all your friends." she snaps at him.
And that's when the fight started...