A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Don't Be A Dick

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Black Listed

Three couples, one older, one middle-aged and one newlywed want to join a church club. So they go down to the church to meet with the pastor who is responsible for screening couples before they join. After the pastor tells them about all the benefits of joining, he explains that in order to qualify, they must refrain from having sex for one month. If they fail they would not be approved for membership. The three couples each agree and head on home.

A month later, the three couples return and and sit down again with the pastor. He asks the older couple if they had abstained from having sex. The older couple replied, "Oh yeah, no problem." and they are allowed to join.

Next the middle-aged couple were asked the same question and their reply was the same. So they too were approved for membership.

Finally the pastor asked the newlyweds the same question and the husband responded: "Well, it went great for a couple of weeks. But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on a shelf and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just couldn't stand it. That's when I said the hell with it and screwed her right there."

The pastor was shocked but said: "You realize that now you won't be allowed into the club."

The husband replied: "Oh that's okay, we're not allowed back into Safeway either!"

Was Never So Good At Math...

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

(uhhhh....Yeah, I have the same feeling you are having! :-O)

Just Drop It In

My wife stripped naked last night and stood on her head. I asked: "What the hell are you doing?"

She said: "Well... if you can't get it up again tonight, I thought maybe you could just drop it in!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Recipe For Success

4 shots of tequila & I bang my wife doggie style.

2 makes her horny & 2 more gets her out on the front lawn.

When It Rains It Pours

Why is a pussy like the weather?

Because once it's wet, you know it's time to go inside.

Who'd You Call An Asshole?

A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up & says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."