Three guys are sitting in a bar bitching about how stupid their wives are.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and we don't even have a garage."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to her iPod and she doesn't have any earphones for it."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a dick."
Little Johnny's walking along with his father when he sees a butterfly. He grabs it, throws it on the ground,and stomps on it. His father says, "Son, that was unnecessary violence. You may not have any butter for a month."
They walk a little further and Little Johnny sees a honey bee. He grabs it, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it. His father says, "Once again, son, unnecessary violence. You may not have any honey for a month."
That night, Little Johnny's having dinner with his mom and dad when a cockroach goes running across the table. His mother knocks it off the table and stomps on it. Little Johnny looks at his dad and says, "Well, Pop, are you gonna tell her, or should I?"
This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...
I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.
My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."
And that's when the fight started...