It's A Dirty Job

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A Mechanic.

A Little Bit Of Alcohol Always Does The Trick

How are nail polish and panties the same?

They both come off with a little alcohol.

To Know Which Way The Wind Blows

Husband and wife are fast asleep when the phone rings at two o'clock in the morning. The husband picks up the phone and says: "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weatherman?" Then he  slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks: "Who was that?" The husband replies: "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

One Difference Between Men And Women

My wife and I were discussing the differences between men and women. She asked: "So what do you think the biggest difference is?"

I told her: "What comes to mind when I say I'd like to give you a facial!"

And that's when the fight started...