A daughter asks her mother, "How many different kinds of dicks are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases in his life. In his 20s, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
And that's when the fight started...