Doggie Style

A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"

"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."

Typical Priest

A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."

"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

Over And Done

An old man was in the red light district and approached a cute little prostitute working the corner. He asked: "How's about some action?" The girl looked him up and down and said: "Old man, I think you've had it!"

To which the old guy replied: "OK... how much do I owe you."

Her Life Matters

Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.
So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.
And that's when the fight started...