A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

One For Just About Everything

If a guy and a girl need a marriage license what do lesbians need?

A liquor license.

You Do The Math

A 54 year old accountant decides to leave his wife, and to rub it in at the same time. So he writes her a letter that reads: Dear Wife, I am 54, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrives at the hotel the front desk clerk hands him a letter that was waiting for him. It read: Dear Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Surfside Motel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.You being an accountant can certainly appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18

Shove It!

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.

The Girls Do This All The Time

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?"

"Well, at least you tried..."

And that's when the fight started...

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This Should Cure Him

A lady takes her husband to the doctor's office.

After his check-up, the doctor calls her into his office and says, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, which, combined with stress, will kill him in a few months. What you have to do is, each morning, fix him a nice breakfast, and be pleasant. Make him a nice lunch to take to work, and for dinner, make meals for him you know he'll enjoy. Don't give him too much to do around the house, especially after he's had a hard day. And don't burden him with too many of your problems, because that'll only increase his stress. And most importantly, make love to him a couple of times a week, and try to give him oral sex once a month or so. If you can do this for the next ten months, I think your husband could regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband says, "What did the doctor say?"

She says, "He said you're gonna die."

Messing Up A Good Thing

Do you know what 6.9 is?

A good thing screwed up by a period.

Advice For Parents

You don't have to vaccinate all your children.

Just the ones you want to keep.