A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

Ring the Buzzer

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The head nurse.

TGIF

Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.

Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

It's A Celebration

My wife smiled at breakfast this morning and said: "Today is our anniversary darling... what should we do?"

I told her: "Stand in silence for 2 minutes."

And that;s when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Take Out The Trash

One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.

I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."

And that's when the fight started...

How To Really Tie One On

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve strings here."

So the string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."