After checking in to a hotel, a man is gets into the elevator and accidentally rubs his elbow against a woman's breasts. He tells her, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, come to room 624."
How to have rodeo sex: Flip her over on all fours, start bangin' her doggie style, call her by her sister's name, and try to hang on for 8 seconds.
Last Christmas grandpa surprised eveyone and made snow angels.
He skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.
My wife seemed a little down in the dumps. So I offered her some advice: "Honey, cheer up. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the little things in life."
She looked at me and replied: "How do you think I've stuck with you?"
And that's when the fight started...