A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Depends On What You Call It

Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

How You Grow The Franchise

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

Listen To Your Mother...

Did you hear about the Jewish mother doll?

You pull the string and it says, "Again with the string..."

Don't Blame Me

My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.

I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Those Red Heads

Cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy what do you get?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

On The Night Beat

A cop pulls a guy over one night for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we'll take a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

Going Around Town

Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"

He said, "Everybody."