Please Don't Disturb The Peace

A guy goes in to see an optometrist.

The doctor says, "You have to stop masturbating."

The guy says, "Why? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

Biology Class

The teacher was trying to teach the class the proper words to use when describing bodily functions. She admonished the class to use the term urinate. To reinforce the lesson she asked the class to use their knew word in a sentence.

When she called on Little Johhny he said: "Teacher... urinate. But if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten!"

Just Country Folk

What do you call a 14-year old girl from W. Virginia who can run faster than her 4 older brothers?

A virgin.

Another Perspective On Marriage

I razzed my wife: "I shoulda never got married. Why buy the whole cow when I was gettin' the milk for free?"

She snapped back: "Yeah? Well I got stuck with the whole pig for just one little sausage."

And that's when the fight started...