A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
A punk rocker type boards a bus. He's wearing a leather vest and pants, studded collar and cuffs, and he's sporting an 8" mohawk hairdo in a rainbow of colors.
An old guy just stares at him. Finally the punk looks over at the old guy and says: "What'sa matter old man. Didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
The old guy looks back and says: "Yeah... I fucked a parrot one time. Thought you might be my kid."
The difference between a redneck & poor white trash? Redneck knocks his sister up, white trash marries her.
My buddy, at a party we threw, paid my wife a nice compliment. He told her: "You're really a good-looking women. Honest, I really mean it... I've only had one beer."
As my wife smiled back to thank him I quickly added: "Imagine how good she'll look after you've had two!"
And that's whent the fight started...