A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to see a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and starts having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
You know what happens when you stop believing in Santa Claus?
You start getting clothes for Christmas.
A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.
The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.
On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."
The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"
The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."
The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"
And that's when the fight started...