A man tells his wife "I want to take a picture of your boobs so I can remember them like this forever."
The wife replies "I want to take a picture of your dick so I can enlarge it."
And that's when the fight started...
A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"
Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.
When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"
She replies, "The egg timer was broken."
A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."
The man startled can only think to say, "Yes it is."
The boy's voice then says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"
The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."
The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."
To keep him quiet the man says: "Okay kid, here you go," as he hands the kid the money.
The next week the man is again making love to the same married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. And the next thing he hears is the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... how about $1000 for the glove."
The man frustrated replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."
"Would you rather see the shotgun?" threatens the young man.
So the guy forks over the grand and takes the glove.
The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball and has nothing to play with. The father asked him, "What? How much you get?"
The boy replies, "$1050."
The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church right now to confess."
At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start this shit again!"
Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."
She asked: "How do you know?"
I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."
And that's when the fight started.