A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

twitter facebook youtube 27330664 ml50x52

Dick's Joke of the Day

And yet another Bingo!

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo

You're Never Too Old

Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

 

My Last Gig

You know old Dick tries to stay pretty busy. Last week I did a benefit for the "Tempura House"... that's a shelter for lightly battered women.

Wife Tests Husband's Love

My wife wanted to test me. So she asked: "Honey, what would you do if you came home and caught me in bed with another guy."

I told her: "I'd kick his seeing eye dog."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Turn The Beat Around

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we screw,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” he asks. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when he's banging me,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

Not The Best Choice

Why do men name their dicks?

They don't want ninety-five per cent of their decisions made by a total stranger.

Back And Forth Exchange

Wife to her husband in frustration: "Get the fuck out." Then, as he's leaving, she adds, "I hope you die a slow painful death."

He turns back to her and says, "So now you want me to stay?"

And that's when the REAL fight started...