big biG bIG BIG

One day the teacher walked up to the blackboard and she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she walked into the room and again saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' on the blackboard. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she erased the board and proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, as arrived at class she found the same word written on the board, only each day's word was larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one morning she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found: 'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'

Hookers Or Bungee Jumping

What does bungee jumping & a hooker have in common?

Cost: a 100 bucks. If the rubber breaks you're screwed.

Wipe Nair On, Wipe Hair Off

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

A Very Special Valentine

I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:

"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."

So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.

"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."

And that's when the fight started...