More Meat Please

A guy from America asked the gal from Sweden to dance at the college fraternity party. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call that a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call that a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

Towards the end of the night, and a whole lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her. While he's pumping away he leans over and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".

She says, "Yaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too. Only we usually put more meat in it."

Two Is Better Than One

Mark and Alex are hanging out at home one cold winter day. Alex asks his friend "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you go upstairs and get me my fuckin' slippers?"

So Alex goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Mark's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother just sent me up her to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Yeah. Prove it!"

So Alex yells downstairs, "Hey Mark! Both of them?!"

Mark yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!"

Shove It!

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and your lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.

And When You Die...

My wife and I were having our usual back and forth when I finally got frustrated and told her: "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replied. " Well, when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

And that's when the fight started...