Ruled By A Dictator
My dick's so big it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick's so big it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
There once was a farmer who had three daughters. All three were going on a date on the same night, so he decided to meet their dates at the front door with a shotgun, just to let them know he was protective.
The first boy showed up and said "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way.
Then the second boy arrived and he said "Hi, my name is Freddie, I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way as well.
Finally, the third boy arrived and he said "Hi my name is Chuck, ..." And the farmer shot him.
Joe gets a ticket to the Super Bowl from his company, but when he gets there, the seat is in the last row way back in the corner of the stadium.
Halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat ten rows off the field, right on the fifty-yard line. He decides to take a chance, and makes his way around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, Joe says to the guy sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?"
The guy says, "No."
Joe says, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"
The guy says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't seen together since we got married in 1967."
Joe says, "That's really sad. But couldn't you find anyone to take the seat? A friend, or a close relative?"
The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"
And that's when the fight started...