Two Meet At A Bar

A car salesman sits down at a bar next to a hooker.

He orders a drink and says: "If I don't sell some cars I'm going to lose my ass."

The hooker looks at him and says: "Yeah... well if I don't sell some ass I'm gonna lose my car."

How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

A Lucky Valentines Day

Last year, on Valentine's Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $10 Million!!

I wonder what she's doing nowadays?

No Guarantees in the After Life

My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"

I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."

And that's when the fight started...