Location, Location, Location

Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."

Mom: "Did someone harass you?"

"Finally!"

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

Legal Connection

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

Brrrrrrrrrr

Last winter my wife and I were walking down the street when we passed a fancy department store window. She turned and asked me: "Sweetheart, why won't you buy me a fur coat? I'm so cold!"

I told her: "If you already knew the answer, why'd you bother asking?"

And that's when the fight started...