When It Rains It Pours

Why is a pussy like the weather?

Because once it's wet, you know it's time to go inside.

Out For A Drive

"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"

"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."

How It's Done on the Reservation

A little Native American boy asks the chief how babies in their tribe get their names.

The chief replies, "When a baby is born, his father takes him outside the teepee, holds him over his head, and names him after the first thing he sees - like 'Running-Wolf' or 'Flying-Cloud'. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Screwing?"

The Voice of Experience

Husband asks: "Should I watch porn or hockey?"

Wife: "Watch porn. You already know how to play hockey."

And that's when the fight started...