I'm Too Old For This

How do you know when you are getting old?

When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Don't Blow It ... Or Maybe You Should?

Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant?

Blew 'em all.

Going Postal

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Women Are Emotional

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...