A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

A Kosher Turkey

How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?

Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.

I Love Bird Watching

What species of bird is known to give the best head?

The swallow!

Creative Writing Class

College professor to her creative writing class, "Your assignment - write the shortest story you can that includes religion, sex and mystery."

Only one girl got an A on her paper. She wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant ... I wonder who did it?"

Only Fools Fall In Love

My wife and I had our usual back and forth at breakfast when I finally said: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."

And that's when the fight started...

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I Got More Important Things To Do

Joe gets a ticket to the Super Bowl from his company, but when he gets there, the seat is in the last row way back in the corner of the stadium.

Halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat ten rows off the field, right on the fifty-yard line. He decides to take a chance, and makes his way around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, Joe says to the guy sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting here?"

The guy says, "No."

Joe says, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The guy says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't seen together since we got married in 1967."

Joe says, "That's really sad. But couldn't you find anyone to take the seat? A friend, or a close relative?"

The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."

STDs Can Be Pretty Rough

What did the guy say to his dick when he saw the girl he was about to fuck had genital warts?

"Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

You Go First

A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally had enough. She figured she would break him of that crazy habit. So one night, while they were right in the middle of a romantic session, she flipped on the lights.

To her shock she looked down and saw her husband was holding a giant dildo. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll explain the rubber dick if you explain the kids."