What's the definition of a lady?
Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."
She asked: "How do you know?"
I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."
And that's when the fight started.