Not Your Ordinary Guy Walks Into A Bar Joke

Guy walks into a bar with a big bruise in the middle of his forehead. The bartender asks: "What happened?"

The guy tells him: "I was fucking my wife doggy style and she ran under the house."

Romance Is Not Dead

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date?

She’s got small tits.

On One Condition

A match asks if he can get into a dance club. The Bouncer says: "You can go in. Just don't start anything."

A Very Special Valentine

I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:

"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."

So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.

"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."

And that's when the fight started...