A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Old Guy Visits the Doctor

Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I don't get up until 9."

And I Don't Even Know It

You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.

Lesson Soon Learned

Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"

Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."

"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife."

I'd Like To Point This Out

My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger around the house.

So I did - the middle one.

And that's when the fight started...

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A Tough Decision

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest & a pilot are in a plane that's about to crash.

The pilot says: "Well, we only have three parachutes, let's give them to the three Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them."

The lawyer says: "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"

The priest says: "Do we have time?"

Do What Mama Told You

Guy's making out with his girlfriend. Things start to get hot and heavy so he puts his hand under her skirt.

His girlfriend tells him: "You can't do that. My mother made me promise never to let a man put his hand under my skirt. But if you put your hand down my back, it'll be the second hole you come to."

Here Pussy, Pussy, Pussy...

The teacher asked Little Johnny, "Why is your cat at school today Johnny?"

Johnny replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Johnny leaves for school!'"