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Dick's Joke of the Day

A Dwarf And A Midget

What do a dwarf and a midget have in common?

Very little.

No Tricks Here

What's a sure-fire way to give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares?

Low IQ

What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

"Good morning, Your Honor."

Late But On Time

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at five o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

And that's when the fight started...

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In The Doctor's Office

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to see a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.

After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounts his patient and starts having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”

A Man's Man

What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?

Focused.

Never Too Old

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.

Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.