An Incident In The Waiting Room

An old man walked into a doctor's office to find a crowded waiting room. When he approached the front desk the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, how may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my penis," he said out loud.

The receptionist became irritated and admonished the old guy, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say such things in that fashion."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he answered.

"Because" replied the receptionist. "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of strangers. You should have been more delicate and said somehting like 'there's something wrong with my ear.' Then you could have discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

"Ah... I see." said the old man. Then he proceeded to walk out of the office. waited several minutes and returned. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"

This time the old man stated "There's something wrong with my ear". The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the old man replied!!!

My Name Is Mud

A big, fat farmer is walking down a dirt road in the rain with his big, fat wife when he suddenly gets horny. He pulls his wife down to the ground, lifts up her dress, and starts fucking her.

After a minute, he says, "Elsie, is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in the mud."

He reaches down, and fiddles around a bit. Then he says, "Now is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in me."

He says, "Put it back in the mud."

A True Poet

My contribution to poetry & truth:

Roses are red that much is true. But violets are purple not fucking blue.

Not A Fair Trade

My wife saw a Craigslist ad where a guy was offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium. She looked at me and asked: "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," I told her. "The season's more than half over!"

And that's when the fight started...