What sexual position should a woman use to make an ugly kid?
Ask your Mom.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
A husband gets home from his day in court on a traffic offense and his wife asks: "So, how did it go?"
The husband replies: "Well honey, I ended up in front of Judge Calloway, you remember, the judge who married us. Turns out he remembered me too... so I pleaded 'guilty with explanation' and he only gave me a small fine. That was way better than the last time, when you and I were in there together. That time he gave me life without the possibility of parole."
And that's when the fight started...