A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

A Lucky Valentines Day

Last year, on Valentine's Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $10 Million!!

I wonder what she's doing nowadays?

Home Video

What's the difference between a husand and a wife?

Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.

Not Your Typical Over The Counter Medicine

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

More Than One Use

One night while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep my wife asked me a real stupid question: "Honey, why do you think god gave men a dick?"

I opened one eye and told her: "So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!"

And that;s when the fight started...

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Home Cookin'

My wife asked: "How was dinner?"

I told her: "It was fit for a king! Here King.... here boy..."

And that's when the fight started...

Get In The Swing Of Things

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."

What's A Mother To Do

One day Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room when she found a Bondage and S&M magazine under his bed. This was very upsetting to her. So she waited until Little Johnny's dad came home, handed him the magazine and told him: "Look what I found under Johnny's bed. What do you think we should do about it?"

Dad looked took the magazine, thumbed through a few pages, then handed it back to her saying: "Well... I don't think we should spank him."