Nutrition Is So Important

A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.

He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."

The doc says, "You're just not eating right."

Doesn't Always Take Two

What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?

He's probably home watching football or something.

Another One Into A Bar

Baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender says "What'll it be?"

Baby seal says "Anything but a Canadian Club."

Sincerity Out Of A Can

My buddy, at a party we threw, paid my wife a nice compliment.  He told her: "You're really a good-looking women. Honest, I really mean it... I've only had one beer."

As my wife smiled back to thank him I quickly added: "Imagine how good she'll look after you've had two!"

And that's whent the fight started...