A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey, little girl, want a lollipop?"
The girls says "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your dick."
Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"
An old guy and his wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The old gal tells her husband: "Go in the kitchen and get me some ice cream." So the old guy gets up and shuffles off to bring his sweetie a treat. By the time he gets to the kitchen he totally forgets what he's there for. So he opens the fridge, looks around and finally grabs some eggs and bacon. He whips up a quick batch of bacon and eggs and heads back to the den.
When he walks in carrying the plate his wife looks up with a scowl and barks: "You forgot the toast!"
My wife and I were discussing babies and she had a thought. "Why do doctors spank newborn babies?"
I told her: "To knock the dicks off the stupid ones."
And that's when the fight started...