Sage Advice

Grandpa always told me don’t watch your money watch your health. So one day, while I'm watching my health, someone stole my money.

It was grandpa.

How Long Has That Condom Been In Your Wallet?

What do a wife & a condom have in common?

They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Pulled Over For A Reason

A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.

The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."

The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."

Sometimes There's No Right Answer

A husband asks his wife: "If I died, would you marry again?" The wife replies lovingly: "Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?"

The husband looks at her and says: "No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too."

And that's when the fight started..,