A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

I Wanna Register To Attend

Can't wait to go to the convention for women with no legs. I heard the place was crawling with pussy!

Can We Get A Dog?

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck on his dick!

Good Advice

I'm feeling a bit more mature these days so I wasn't embarrassed walking into the drug store to buy condoms. That is, until the woman behind the counter advised me, 'Save your money -- buy a lottery ticket.'

Settling the Same Sex Marriage Debate

My wife and I were discussing the news. I said: "What's the big deal about same-sex marriage?"

She said: "You're right. We've been married for years, and we keep having the same lousy sex."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Get My Gun

There once was a farmer who had three daughters. All three were going on a date on the same night, so he decided to meet their dates at the front door with a shotgun, just to let them know he was protective.

The first boy showed up and said "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way.

Then the second boy arrived and he said "Hi, my name is Freddie, I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way as well.

Finally, the third boy arrived and he said "Hi my name is Chuck, ..." And the farmer shot him.

Who Knows What?

What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?

A fuckin know-it-all!

Don't Blame Me

My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.

I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"

And that's when the fight started...