A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says no, this is a bar not a grocery store." and sends him out.
The next day, the duck returns and again asks, "Got any grapes?" This time the bartender gets real mad and says. "I told you yesterday no grapes. And you're a duck. We don't even serve ducks here. You come in here and bother me one more time and I'll nail your fuckin' web feet to the floor." And with that he throws him out again.
The next day, the duck returns only this time he asks "Got any nails?" Confused, the bartender says "No."
One day Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room when she found a Bondage and S&M magazine under his bed. This was very upsetting to her. So she waited until Little Johnny's dad came home, handed him the magazine and told him: "Look what I found under Johnny's bed. What do you think we should do about it?"
Dad looked took the magazine, thumbed through a few pages, then handed it back to her saying: "Well... I don't think we should spank him."