How do you know if a hippie's been staying at your house?
He's still there.
My wife and I were having our usual debate over which of two sexes... male or female... who's superior.
So I asked her: "Do you know the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?" She said, "What?"
I told her: "One's a superhero and the other is an instruction."
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I'm elected.'"