A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."
The man startled can only think to say, "Yes it is."
The boy's voice then says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"
The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."
The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."
To keep him quiet the man says: "Okay kid, here you go," as he hands the kid the money.
The next week the man is again making love to the same married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. And the next thing he hears is the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... how about $1000 for the glove."
The man frustrated replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."
"Would you rather see the shotgun?" threatens the young man.
So the guy forks over the grand and takes the glove.
The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball and has nothing to play with. The father asked him, "What? How much you get?"
The boy replies, "$1050."
The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church right now to confess."
At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."
A man steps into the street and manages to grab a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
The passenger asks, "Who?" The cabbie says, "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every time."
Passenger: "Yeah. But there's always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie says, "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. And music? He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should've heard him play the piano."
The passenger replies, "Sounds like he was really someone special."
Cab driver continues, "There's more... He had a mind like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday, knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."
Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"
The cabbie goes on, "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic to avoid traffic jams. Not like me... I always seem to get stuck in them all the time."
Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman, how to really make her feel good. He'd never answer her back even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, down to his highly polished shoes."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
A cop pulls a guy over. He tells him: "You've got expired plates, your inspection is overdue, you're not wearing a seatbelt and you've got an open can of beer in your hand!"
The guy says: "I'll see you tomorrow then." The cop shoots back: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
The guy snaps: "Hang on a minute pal, I'm on the phone here."
