A guy is just miserable. So he decides to cheer himself up and get a pet. At the pet store the owner takes him in to the back and shows him a toothless hamster.
The guy looks at it and says: "That's the ugliest thing I ever saw."
The store owner says: "Maybe so, but it will give you the best blowjob you ever had."
So the guy tries it and it's fantastic. He buys the hamster and heads home.
When he gets there his wife sees the ugly little creature and says: "What the hell is that?"
The guy says: "Never mind. Just teach it to cook and then get the fuck out."
A cop pulls a guy over with a pickup truck full of penguins. He says:"You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says OK, and drives off.
The next day, the cop sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, only now they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over again and barks at him: "I thought I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo?"
The guy answers back: "I did ... today we're going to the beach!"
