How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?
His hand caught fire.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
A guy's in his car with a girl and says, "How about a hand job?"
She says, "What do I have to do?"
He says, "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it? Just do that."
She grabs it and does it. A few minutes later, he starts screaming. She says, "What's wrong?"
He says, "Take your fucking thumb off the end."
Why does a dog lick himself?
He can't make a fist.
