My wife thought she would come on real sexy to distract me from the game. So she asked: "Honey, What do you have in your pants that's gonna wind up in my face?"
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other: "Man, was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!"
His buddy signs back: "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen." The fist guy signs: "How do you do that?"
His friend signs to him: "Easy! I turn the lights off!"