Go F*ck Yourself

Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

A guy was organizing his cards for Valentine's Day and realized he made a huge mistake!

"For fucks sake, what a mess to sort out. I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up.

The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to fuck her."

A guy was complaining to his buddy that his new girlfriend was really kinky. His friend asked him: "How so?"

"Well" came the answer, "All she wants me to do is screw her in the ear." "In the ear? Wow. That is weird," his buddy remarked.

"Yeah," the guy continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in her mouth, she turns her head."

My wife sidled up to me last night and asked: "Would you like a little pussy?"

I said: "I sure would, 'cause yours is as big as a house!"

And that's when the fight started...