Go F*ck Yourself

Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"

Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.

Your lawyer will thank you.

What's the best part of gardening?

Getting down and dirty with my hoes.