Go F*ck Yourself

Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

What would you call a hooker with jizz all over her face?

Call her a cab ... her job is done.

A guy says to his new girlfriend: "Why are you always playing with my balls?"

She says: "Because I miss mine."

Three women were talking about what's it like in bed with their husbands.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an antique Chevy. I have to start it by hand and then jump on once it gets going."