Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.
What do women and milk cartons have in common?
You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
My wife was complaining I fart too much, so she ripped a big one right back at me. I asked her, "Honey, you never did that when we were dating. How come?"
She said, "'Cause I didn't get an asshole till we were married."
And that's when the fight started...
Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"
(Not that Ol' Dick Johnson has ever heard that or anything like it!)