Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.
My wife was complaining I fart too much, so she ripped a big one right back at me. I asked her, "Honey, you never did that when we were dating. How come?"
She said, "'Cause I didn't get an asshole till we were married."
And that's when the fight started...
Where does a one-legged waitress work?
IHOP
What's her name?
Ilene
Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.
Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.