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Night On The Town

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What do all the female reindeer do when santa is busy working with the males on christmas eve?

Go into town and blow a couple of bucks!

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Who's That Lady...

What's the definition of a lady?

Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.

Why A Guy Hates Valentines Day

Valentines day is just a massive hassle:

1. Remember to text my girlfriend a big lovey dovey message at the start of the day.
2. Remember to buy her a card in my lunch break.
3. Buy her some more crap in the rush hour after work before I meet her.
4. Take her to a fancy restaurant and pay for a pointlessly expensive meal.
5. Take her back to her place and give her some gentle, passionate love when all I want to do is excessively bang her.

And I have to do all this, then drive home without my wife finding out!

It's A Boy -- And What A Boy!

"IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY."

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel again!