Your wife & your lawyer are drowning, so you have to choose. What do you do: go to lunch or catch a movie?
A lady goes golfing and gets hit in the ass really hard with a golf ball. She goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Where were you hit?" She says, "Between the first and the second hole."
He says, "That doesn't leave alot of room for a band-aid, does it?"
A girl's going across town in a cab. When she gets where she's going she discovers she has no money.
She lifts her skirt and says, "Cabbie, you want to barter?"
He takes a look and says, "Lady, haven't you got anything smaller?"
An old couple sits down to breakfast on their Fiftieth Anniversary stark naked.
The wife says "Oh, Harold, this is just like fifty years ago...my breasts feel all warm and tingly..."
He says, "They ought to be, Gladys...one's hanging in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."
