How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
Marry her.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
A guy woke up one day on Valentines day, he went to check the mail and saw there were no cards. He thought to himself, "Must be because there's no post on a Sunday..."
"Yeah, that's it...That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!"
Got home to find a man in bed with my wife. "Who said you could sleep with my wife?"
He said, "Everybody."
