Gal to salesman: "Should I buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker?"
"Depends. You gonna sweat or break wind?"
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
My wife bought one of those do-it-yourself waxing kits. Really wanting to please me, she asked with a wink: "Should I do the sides and leave a little strip down the middle?"
I told her: "I'd prefer you have no moustache at all."
And that's when the fight started...
I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
I said: "Yeah, but I do."
