What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
What did Eve wear? A fig leaf.
OK... So what did Adam wear?
A hole in Eve's fig leaf.
I asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery. She told me she'd take half and leave me.
So I told her: "Great! I won 10 bucks on a scratch-off this morning. Here's your five, now get the fuck out."
And that's when the fight started...
Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."
Mom: "Did someone harass you?"
"Finally!"
