What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
A nurse walks in and says, "Doc, what are you doing?"
He says, "I'm writing a prescription."
She says, "But you're holding your thermometer."
He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole has my pen."
Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?
Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!
What happened to the depressed dyslexic?
He threw himself behind the bus.
