Why'd the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
A cop pulls a guy over and says, "Hey pal... did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
"Thank God... I thought I went deaf."
Last year, I bought my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
This year I didn't buy her anything..
When my wife asked me why I didn't buy her mother a gift this year I told her "Hey, she never used the gift I bought her last year!"
And that's when the fight started...
I told my buddy: "I got caught jerking off to a National Geographic magazine."
Asks: "Were you embarrassed?"
"No, but my dentist's receptionist was."
