Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What does it mean when your wife is lying in bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from an old woman have in common?
You don't look down.
My wife asked me: "Why do you go out on the balcony every time I start to sing?"
I told her: "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm beating you."
And that's when the fight started...
