It's been said if you bend over & put your ear to someone's leg you can hear "What the fuck are you doing?"
I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
How are fat chicks like a moped?
They may be fun to ride if you got nothin' better, but you wouldn't want your friends to find out.
After a night of drinking, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when I realized I made it home safely.
