Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"
A man calls the doctor and is frantic, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
How come during sex it's OK to say, 'Who's your daddy?,' but it's not OK to say, 'I love you, mommy'?
Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?
Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.
