Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.
Sex is like a bank account.
First you put it in. Once you take it out you lose interest.
I'm feeling a bit more mature these days so I wasn't embarrassed walking into the drug store to buy condoms. That is, until the woman behind the counter advised me, 'Save your money -- buy a lottery ticket.'
A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."
She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."
St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"
