How are blondes like computers?
You never appreciate them until they go down on you.
How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?
You start asking your wife for sex.
Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."
The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"
"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."
I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"
So I fucked her and disappeared.
