Take A Walk On The Boardwalk
My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.
My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.
A manager hired a new secretary who was young, sweet and proper. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. As she left the room, she politely remarked, “Sir, did you know your barracks door is open?”
At first the boss didn't understand what she meant. But later he looked down and saw his open zipper. That's when he decided to have a little fun with his new hire. Calling her back in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you notice a soldier standing at attention?”
To which his secretary very smartly replied, “Why, no sir. All I saw was a disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”
A lady goes golfing and gets hit in the ass really hard with a golf ball. She goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Where were you hit?" She says, "Between the first and the second hole."
He says, "That doesn't leave alot of room for a band-aid, does it?"
I always wanted a pair of real cowboy boots. So I found a pair on sale and wore them home. Walking in the kitchen I asked my wife: "Notice anything different about me?" She looked up and said: "Nope."
So I figured how to fix that. I went into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again I asked her: "Notice anything different now?" This time she slowly looked me up and down, then said: "What's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Now I was really mad so I told her: "You know why it's hanging down. 'Cause it's lookin' at my new boots!" Without missing a beat she said" "Then you shoulda bought a hat."
And that's when the fight started...