Over Her Dead Body

How can you tell if your wife's dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Ding Dong

The bell rings at a whorehouse.

The madam answers the door and finds a guy with no arms and no legs. She looks at him and says: "What'ya think you're gonna do in here?"

He says: "Hey... I rang the bell, didn't I?"

Cats Life

How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?

He's smoking a cigarette.

Sharing is Caring

My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"

I told her: "Both of them."

And that's when the fight started...