Proper Treatment

My wife remarked: "That Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. If I ever got it I think I'd shoot myself"

I replied: "You said that five minutes ago."

And that's when the fight started....

The Chicken Or The Egg?

A chicken and and egg are lying in bed.

The chicken begins to light up a cigarette.

The egg says: "Well... I guess that answers that question."

Just Like Your Father

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

A Very Special Valentine

I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:

"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."

So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.

"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."

And that's when the fight started...