A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Go F*ck Yourself

Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

Biology or Cooking Class

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.

One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

Never Trust A Lefty

The other day my wife and I were golfing when she suddenly asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" I told her, "No sweetie" but she shot right back with "Oh I'm sure you would." So to keep the peace I said "Okay, I would." Then she asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" and not knowing where this was going I told her, "Yeah... I guess so."

Finally she asked me, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" and I told her, "No, she's left handed."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Better rethink this one

Old Dick Johnson sometimes has to re-think relationships.

Right now I think I'm spending way too much time with my girlfriend's family... I think her husband is getting suspicious.

Always Right

My wife was fishing for a compliment. So she asked me: "So, do you think you married Miss Right."

I said: "Yeah, I just didn't know your first name was 'Always.'"

And that's when the fight started...

Who's That Lady...

What's the definition of a lady?

Someone who doesn't drink or smoke, and the only time she curses is when your dick slips out.