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Dick's Joke of the Day

Low IQ

What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

"Good morning, Your Honor."

Wanna Good Time?

What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?

A gang bang.

No Luck At All

I have the worst luck when it comes to scoring with chicks. Last night I got this cute little number back to my place and made my move with, "So you want to have sex?"

She said, "Well, I don't normally do this... but I think I'm gonna pass."

Looks Good To Me!

My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.

When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Sure Is Dark In Here

A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."

The man startled can only think to say, "Yes it is."

The boy's voice then says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"

The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."

The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."

To keep him quiet the man says: "Okay kid, here you go," as he hands the kid the money.

The next week the man is again making love to the same married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. And the next thing he hears is the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... how about $1000 for the glove."

The man frustrated replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."

"Would you rather see the shotgun?" threatens the young man.

So the guy forks over the grand and takes the glove.

The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball and has nothing to play with. The father asked him, "What? How much you get?"

The boy replies, "$1050."

The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church right now to confess."

At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start this shit again!"

Order in the Court

What do you call a judge with no balls?

Justice Prick

The Doctor Will See You Now

The receptionist calls the doctor into the waiting room in a panic: "Doctor, the patient you just treated died on his way out the door. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Turn him around so it looks like he died on the way in."