What is the definition of confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"
How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?
His hand caught fire.
The other night I was having sex with my wife when my cell phone rang. I answered it and said: "Can I call you back? I'm in the tub."
And that's when the fight started...