A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Ewwww

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?

A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

Cheaper Than A Motel

An old couple goes to the doctor. The man says, "We want to know if we're makin' love properly. Will you watch us?"

The doctor says, "Go ahead." So they go to it.

The doctor says, "Looks good to me... That'll be forty dollars."

They go back six weeks in a row and do the same thing each time.

On the seventh week the doctor says, "Why do you keep coming back? I told you, you're making love perfectly."

The old guy says, "Well, she can't come to my house, and I can't go to her's...a motel is fifty bucks...you only charge us forty and we get back thirty-five back from Medicare."

Finger Licking Good

What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

They both have a description of the animal on the front of the cage. The Southern zoo includes a recipe.

Another Perspective On Marriage

I razzed my wife: "I shoulda never got married. Why buy the whole cow when I was gettin' the milk for free?"

She snapped back: "Yeah? Well I got stuck with the whole pig for just one little sausage."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Can't Try It On First

A guy goes into a drug store to buy some condoms. The girl behind the counter asks, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up one finger and asks, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and asks, “That big?” He says, “Smaller.” She holds up two fingers and he says, “Yeah, that’s it.”

She sticks the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”

Wipe Nair On, Wipe Hair Off

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

An Incident In The Waiting Room

An old man walked into a doctor's office to find a crowded waiting room. When he approached the front desk the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, how may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my penis," he said out loud.

The receptionist became irritated and admonished the old guy, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say such things in that fashion."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he answered.

"Because" replied the receptionist. "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of strangers. You should have been more delicate and said somehting like 'there's something wrong with my ear.' Then you could have discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

"Ah... I see." said the old man. Then he proceeded to walk out of the office. waited several minutes and returned. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"

This time the old man stated "There's something wrong with my ear". The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the old man replied!!!