A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

You Learn Something New Everyday

I was scewing my wife when suddenly I stopped and didn't move. She asked: "What are you doing?"

I told her: "I saw this online on a porn site. It's called buffering"

And that's when the fight started...

It's About Time

20 years the wife finally gives him a blowjob.
 
Phone rings he picks it up says: It's for you, cocksucker.

Going Postal

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

The Happiest Man In The World

My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."

So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

We Love Our First Responders

A fire chief just got married. On their honeymoon he informed his new wife that their home would be run like a firehouse... they would have sex on the bell system.

He proceeded to explain that One Bell meant take your clothes off... Two Bells meant get into bed... and Three Bells meant start fooling around.

The chief came home from work one evening and decided to try out his system. First he hollered ‘One Bell’ and his wife took off her clothes. Then he hollered ‘Two Bells’ and she got into bed. Finally he hollered ‘Three Bells’ and they started fooling around like crazy.

A few minutes later the wife yells "Four Bells." "Four Bells?" the chief asks, "What the hell is Four Bells?"

"Let out more hose, You're nowhere near the fire!"

Who Knows What?

What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?

A fuckin know-it-all!

And That's Why I Went Hungry

Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English, and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.

Jenny raises her hand and says: "'toast' -- t o a s t." Bobby says: "my turn teacher 'eggs' -- e g g s." Little Johnny shouts out" "'fucking nothing' -- f u c k i n g n o t h i n g."

The teacher is furious and makes Little Johnny stand in the corner till the end of the English lesson.

The next class is geography. The teacher puts a map up and asks the class who knows where the Polish border lies.

Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says: "He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got fucking nothing for breakfast!"