Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"
Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...