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Dick's Joke of the Day

Three Gals Having a Few Drinks

Three gals were sitting at a bar throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. The first woman said: "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."

The second woman giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friends said: "Say, what do you call your husband?" She frowned and said: "The postman." "Why the postman?" her friends asked.

"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Never Mix Sex And Alcohol

I have a a real problem with sex and booze...

Every time I have sex, my girlfriend boos.

How To Tell Them Apart

Wife walks into the kitchen and finds her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Hunting flies," he tells her.

"Oh, kill any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," was his reply. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

"Easy," he says. "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Her Life Matters

Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.
So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.
And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Like Old Stinky Cheese

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

Life is A Circus

Why'd the trapeze artist divorce his wife?

He caught her in the act.

Men are Dogs, Not Vice Versa

Why does a dog lick himself?

He can't make a fist.