Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."
She asked: "How do you know?"
I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."
And that's when the fight started.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.
Cop pulls a guy over at 3am: "Where you going at this hour?"
Guy says: "To a lecture on alcohol abuse, its effect on the human body. And the dangers of smoking & staying out late."
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
"My wife."
I thought I would kid my wife a little, so I said: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, it's too long."
She shot back: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
And that's when the fight started...