No Dope, No Joke

Old Dick is no dope. Here's a piece of advice you should always follow: Whenever you have a one night stand, always use protection -- a fake name and a fake number.

Need A Change Of Pace

You know, it's not every day my wife says, "Sweetheart, why don't you take me upstairs, fuck me in the ass and cum all over my face."

Today was no exception.

Don't Say It

How come during sex it's OK to say, 'Who's your daddy?,' but it's not OK to say, 'I love you, mommy'?

He Oughta Be Hit With That Ruler

My wife caught me measuring my dick and snickered: "So how long is it?"

I told her: "Long enough to reach the back of your sister's throat!"

And that's when the fight started...