Sign Of The Times

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

Stir Fry And Panties

How's a frying pan hanging on the wall like a woman's panties?

You have to get them down before you can put the meat in.

Very Descriptive

What would you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a box with his arms and legs?

Kit.

Not A Fair Trade

My wife saw a Craigslist ad where a guy was offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium. She looked at me and asked: "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," I told her. "The season's more than half over!"

And that's when the fight started...