A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Looks Good To Me!

My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.

When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.

And that's when the fight started...

True Love

If the dove is The Bird Of Love, what's The Bird of True Love?

The swallow.

Get A Job

I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people.

It needs more work.

Remember Back Then

I was reminiscing with my wife about when we first got married, So I gave her a little nudge and asked: "Honey... what was the hardest thing for you on our honeymoon?"

She smiled at me and said: "Saying ouch like I meant it."

And that's when the fight started...

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It Takes More Than One

After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"

Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."

And that's when the fight started...

Take the Plea

Judge Calloway's court docket was too full.
 
So he knocked the sodomy charge down to "following too close."

A Matter of Timing

I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."