A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Ho Ho Ho, Now This Is A Merry Christmas

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?"

Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"

She Doesn't Give A F*ck!

What do you get when cross an attorney with a feminist?

A lawyer who won't fuck you.

Dad Knows The Score

When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."

Treat Her Right

The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.

So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

I'm Too Old For This

How do you know when you are getting old?

When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

My Favorite Pastime

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire!

What do you call a teenager who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.