DJ of the Day

Valentines Day is going to be great! I'm guaranteed to fuck my wife up the ass tonight.

She's dyslexic and thinks it's Vaseline Day.

What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?

A fucking know-it-all.

Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?

Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.

My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.

I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."

And that's when the fight started...

Two guys were in a bar. The first one said: "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", his buddy asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.

I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"

And that's when the fight started...

How do you stop a clown from smiling?

Shoot him in the face!

Dick's Joke of the Day