Reason To Stay Single

The laundromat: a bad place to find chicks.

If she can't afford a washing machine how can she support you?

Who Likes Bananas?

I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.

In Any Language

What do the aborigine call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.

It Takes More Than One

After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"

Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."

And that's when the fight started...