A Matter of Timing
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."
Guy visits the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor tells him, "Bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the guy comes back with his wife. The doctor tells her, "Please take off all of your clothes and lie down on the table." After she's lying there naked, the doctor walks around the table a few times, looking her up and down and all around.
Finally he pulls the guy aside and assures him, "You're fine. She don't give me a hard-on, either."
A woman who was beaten black and blue, goes to the doctor. The doc asks: "What happened?" She tells him: "I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
The doctor says: "I have the perfect solution for you. Whenever your husband comes home in that state, just grab a glass of iced tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later she returns and looks reborn and fresh again. "Doc," she says, "That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with the tea. I gargled and gargled and nothing happened."
The doctor smiled knowingly. "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.
So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"
And that's when the fight started...