A woman is checking out in the grocery line. She places one apple, a small ready-made salad, a frozen dinner, and a pint of ice cream on the conveyor.
The guy ringing everything up smiles at her and says: "I'll bet your single." The woman looks back and asks: "How did you know, by my choice of food?."
The guy replies: "No, 'cause you're ugly."
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
What happened to the depressed dyslexic?
He threw himself behind the bus.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king – moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that guy? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him... but I said no."
Husband says: "Yep... and it looks like he’s still celebrating!!"
And that's when the fight started...