A farmer bursts into the bedroom with his wife in bed and a sheep under his arm. He yells, "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache!" The wife looks up and says, "That's not pig dumbass, it's a sheep!"
The farmer looks over and shouts: "Quiet! I wasn't talking to you!"
And that's when the fight started...
What do you call hooker that likes it in the ass?
A crack whore.
A cop pulls a guy over with a pickup truck full of penguins. He says:"You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says OK, and drives off.
The next day, the cop sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, only now they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over again and barks at him: "I thought I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo?"
The guy answers back: "I did ... today we're going to the beach!"
My son gets behind the wheel of the car to take his first driving lesson. As mom gets in the passenger side he rolls down the window and asks: "Does this car have passenger side air bags?"
I said, "It does now."
And that's when the fight started...