A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

No Monkey Business

A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.

He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."

The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her, comes over to her to console her.

He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."

A Little Something On The Side

Why'd the guy marry the Siamese twin?

So he could fuck his wife and have a girlfriend on the side.

Who Doesn't Love A Younger Woman

What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?

A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

The Voice of Experience

Husband asks: "Should I watch porn or hockey?"

Wife: "Watch porn. You already know how to play hockey."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Not His Type

An Italian guy Luigi goes up to his neighbor Tony and says, "Hey, Tony... lemme ax you a question. You like-a woman with-a big, sloppy tits, that droop-a down this-a far?" Tony says, "No."

Luigi says, "Hokay. Now, lemme ax you another question. You like-a woman with-a big-a huge-a ass like a dump truck?" Tony says, "Hell, no."

Luigi then says, "Now lemme ax you one more question. You like-a woman with-a big, thick-a mustache and she's-a all the time smell like-a garlic?"

Tony says, "What-a you, crazy?"

Luigi says, "Then why you fuck-a my wife?"

Seize The Moment

A guy comes home from work and finds his wife on her hands and knees in the kitchen scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on so the husband gets a big hard on. Seizing the moment he quickly slips it in and starts humping her doggie style. When he's through he pulls out and at the same time hits her real hard up side the head.

"What was that for?" the wife screamed "Here I am being so nice to you, letting you really enjoy yourself. Why'd you hit me?"

The husband looks at her and says "For not looking back to see who it was."

Still Not My Type Of Girl

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

Forty-five pounds.