Little Johnny's parents got divorced. One night Little Johnny walked past his mother's bedroom, the door was open, and he sees his mother lying on her back playing with herself, saying "I need a man... I need a man..."
A few nights later he walks past her bedroom again, the door's open, and he sees his mother with a man on top of her.
Little Johnny runs to his room, jumps on his bed, pulls down his pants and starts playing with himself, saying, "I need a bike... I need a bike... "
This cute gal is on the psychiatrist's couch. She says, "Doc... you gotta help me. I have this uncontrollable urge to fuck all of my employers."
The psychiatrist says, "Hmm .. I see... ever work as a receptionist?"
How do you stop a clown from smiling?
Shoot him in the face!
My wife and I were on a road trip and I asked her to help navigate, So of course she couldn't quite figure out how to use the map. Frustrated I asked her, "Why can't women read maps?"
She snapped back, "Because only a man can relate to the concept of 1 inch equals a mile."
And that's when the fight started...