Definition Of Confidence

What is the definition of confidence?

When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

Female Erection

What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?

A lesbian with a hard-on.

May I Ask Who's Calling

A man calls the doctor and is frantic, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Up Or Down?

The other night my wife and I were in bed and I asked her: "Honey, why do you like it so much when you are on top?"

She said: "'Cause all you do is fuck up."

And that's when the fight started...