A Letter To Santa
Dear Santa,
I've been good all year. Okay, most of the time. Well, more like once in a while...
Oh f*ck it I'll buy my own shit!
- Billy
Dear Santa,
I've been good all year. Okay, most of the time. Well, more like once in a while...
Oh f*ck it I'll buy my own shit!
- Billy
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)
A couple has sex. When they're done, the girl looks in the box of condoms and sees only 6 left out of 12. She asks, "What happened to the other condoms?" The guy says, "I, uh... I made balloon animals out of them for my niece and nephew."
The next day the girl's at work telling the story to her co-workers. She turns to one of the guys and asks: "Have you ever done that?" He tells her, "Sure. All the time."
She can't believe it so she argues: "Really? You make balloon animals out of condoms?"
He says back, "No. I thought you were asking if I ever lied to my girlfriend."
My wife was angry. She said: "It's unfair! A guy can screw a different girl every week and he's considered a stud. But if a girl screws even two guys in a year she's called a slut."
So I man-splained it to her: "Think of it this way. If a key opens lots of locks it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys... well... it's a shitty lock."
And that's when the fight started...