Outside The Clinic

What's worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car when you're parked outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask if you can borrow a coat hanger.

Deal Me In

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."

A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.

His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

Still Not My Type Of Girl

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

Forty-five pounds.

I'm Going To Disneyland!

A guy wanted to have sex with his wife. So he gave her a wink and popped a Viagra.

His wife looked at him and said: "You know why Viagra is just like Disneyland? They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride!"

And that's when the fight started...