Just For Decoration, That's It & That's All...

A daughter asks her mother, "How many different kinds of dicks are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases in his life. In his 20s, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

She's Smoking!

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use some lubricant.

Pirate Walks Into A Bar

Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?

Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.

Going Big? Go Home!

My wife sidled up to me last night and asked: "Would you like a little pussy?"

I said: "I sure would, 'cause yours is as big as a house!"

And that's when the fight started...