A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

What A Horrible Life

Did you ever think what a horrible life a dick has? Think about it... his roommates are nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and every night his owner strangles him with one hand until he throws up!

Doesn't Always Take Two

What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm?

He's probably home watching football or something.

Dad Knows The Score

When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."

Don't Give Me No Lip

My wife bought one of those do-it-yourself waxing kits. Really wanting to please me, she asked with a wink: "Should I do the sides and leave a little strip down the middle?"

I told her: "I'd prefer you have no moustache at all."

And that's when the fight started...

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They Do Look The Same

This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices a handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line, she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out, to which he responds, "Sure lady."

They no sooner get out of the store when she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an itchy pussy."

The young man responds, "You'll have to point it out lady, all those Japanese cars look alike to me!"

Nice Package

What's a pussy?

The box a dick comes in.

Did you see that one coming?

 

Next It'll Say: Out Of Business

When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."

When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"

And that's when the fight started...