A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

What's The Dress Code

Why do blondes wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm.

Why Is It St. Valentines Day?

It's called St. Valentine's Day because "St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day" just didn't have the same ring to it.

Can You Even Say This Anymore?

What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being a retard.

A Very Special Valentine

I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:

"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."

So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.

"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

What Does Your Dad Do

The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy." 

Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."

The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Tyrone."

Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Tyrone. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m...f-a-r-n...f-n..."

The teacher says, "Tyrone, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."

Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five Tyrone ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."

True Love

If the dove is The Bird Of Love, what's The Bird of True Love?

The swallow.

English Class Assignment

The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."