One Man's Heaven Is Another Woman's Hell
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
A punk rocker type boards a bus. He's wearing a leather vest and pants, studded collar and cuffs, and he's sporting an 8" mohawk hairdo in a rainbow of colors.
An old guy just stares at him. Finally the punk looks over at the old guy and says: "What'sa matter old man. Didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
The old guy looks back and says: "Yeah... I fucked a parrot one time. Thought you might be my kid."
A cop pulls a guy over one night for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we'll take a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
My wife and I were talking about the differences between little boys and little girls. I asked her: "Why don't little girls fart like little boys do?"
She answered: "Because they don't get assholes until they're married."
And that's when the fight started...