Nacho comes before a judge. The judge asks: "Why're you here?" Nacho tells him: "I'm accused of starting my Xmas shopping early."
The judge says, "That's not a crime. How early did you start?"
Nacho says, "Before the store opened."
What do a wife & a condom have in common?
They both spend wayyy more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Question: Which is more vicious... Killer Bees or Asian Murder Hornets?
Answer: My ex-wife.
My son gets behind the wheel of the car to take his first driving lesson. As mom gets in the passenger side he rolls down the window and asks: "Does this car have passenger side air bags?"
I said, "It does now."
And that's when the fight started...