That Big?

I don't wanna brag, but my dick is so big, the head has only seen my balls in pictures. Get that ladies?

They Have A Name For That

What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?

A tearjerker.

Advice For Pet Owners

What's the best way to keep kitty litter fresh?

Kill your cat.

Not the Same Old Routine

My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"

So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."

And that's when the fight started...