A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

How Much Do You Want It?

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to tie the knot. But before the wedding they sat down to have a long conversation about how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, sharing the chores, family and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of the intimate side of their relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather hopefully.

"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," his bride to be responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

English Class Assignment

The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."

Wardrobe Selection

Gal to salesman: "Should I buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker?"

"Depends. You gonna sweat or break wind?"

I'd Love To But...

My wife tried to goad me, "Our next door neighbor tells me her husband can make love to her 3X a day. Why can't you do that?"

I told her, "Because she always says, 'No, we might get caught.' "​

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

BaaaAAAHH

Why's a sheep better than a woman?

A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.

Regarding That Age Old Question

Why'd the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Who Failed This Test

A woman wanted to see how her husband would react if she left him unexpectedly. So she writes him a note saying she is tired of him and doesn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the note, she puts it on the night stand in the bedroom and then climbs under the bed to hide until her husband gets home.

When he gets home that night, he sees the note on the night stand. After a few moments of silence, he picks up the pen and adds something at the bottom. Then he starts to get changed, whistling and singing and dancing around the room. He grabs his phone and dials a number. His wife listens from under the bed as he starts chatting away. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes. I'll see you in a bit. As for the old bag, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around and she split. Good riddance! I was wrong to have married her in the first place. I just wish you and me had met sooner. See you soon, honey!" Then he hangs up and walks out of the room.

In tears and very upset, the wife climbs out from under the bed and stumbles over to read what her unfaithful husband had written at the end of her note. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot! I am going out to pick up some beer."