Advice For Newlyweds

Keep this in mind... a honeymoon should only be for six days. Why? Because seven days make a whole week.

In fact, don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a weak end.

Just sayin'...

You're Doing It All Wrong

Johnson's wife had been in a coma for four months. The nurses came to realise that she would move a little every time they washed her crotch area. Her doctor thought hard about this and asked Johnson to come to the hospital.

When he got there the doctor suggested perhaps if Johnson practiced oral sex with her she might wake out of the coma. Johnson said he would try anything and asked for some privacy.

Minutes later he came rushing out of the room shouting, "Doc, help, I think she's choking!"

Not Like The Chicken

Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

A Woman's Place

My wife and I were having our usual debate over which of two sexes... male or female... who's superior.

So I asked her: "Do you know the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?" She said, "What?"

I told her: "One's a superhero and the other is an instruction."

And that's when the fight started...