I Wanna Register To Attend

Can't wait to go to the convention for women with no legs. I heard the place was crawling with pussy!

What's Her Name?

What do you call hooker that likes it in the ass?

A crack whore.

The House Dictates the Policy

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Mowing The Lawn

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the bike, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."

And that's when the fight started...