A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Trust

What's the definition of trust?

Two gay cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Whore House

What's more profitable, a 1-story whore house or a 2-story whore house?

A 1-story... no fucking overhead.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Peace comes at a price. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.

Do I Know You?

My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.

So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

You Pay Extra For That

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I wouldn't pay fifty bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Never Trust A Lefty

The other day my wife and I were golfing when she suddenly asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" I told her, "No sweetie" but she shot right back with "Oh I'm sure you would." So to keep the peace I said "Okay, I would." Then she asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" and not knowing where this was going I told her, "Yeah... I guess so."

Finally she asked me, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" and I told her, "No, she's left handed."

And that's when the fight started...

One Afternoon With The Girls

One day at lunch her friend remarked: "So... your husband drowned and left you two million dollars. Wow! Two million dollars, and he couldn't even read or write."

"Yeah" the widow replied, "And he couldn't swim either."