A married couple goes to the same Italian restaurant every Sunday for 30 years. And every time they show up the owner says, "Hey! Its-a you two guys. You my favorite-a couple. You made-a for each other. You last-a so long. You meant-a to be!"
Then one Sunday the guy walks in alone. The owner says, "Whats-a happened?" The guy tells him, "We got a divorce."
The Italian guy says, "Oh, you much-a better off-a now."
Valentines Day is going to be great! I'm guaranteed to fuck my wife up the ass tonight.
She's dyslexic and thinks it's Vaseline Day.
What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captain's log.
My wife was angry. She said: "It's unfair! A guy can screw a different girl every week and he's considered a stud. But if a girl screws even two guys in a year she's called a slut."
So I man-splained it to her: "Think of it this way. If a key opens lots of locks it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys... well... it's a shitty lock."
And that's when the fight started...