DJ of the Day

The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?

You have a chance at winning the lottery.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

After two years, the job still sucks.

What gets longer when you pull it, fits between the breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seat belt.

My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.

I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."

And that's when the fight started...

Judge Calloway's court docket was too full.

So he knocked the sodomy charge down to "following too close."

What'd the Polish guy say when he came home and found his best friend on top of his wife?

Down, Fido, down boy!

Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."

To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."

Dick's Joke of the Day