A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Can You Even Say This Anymore?

What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being a retard.

Something Magical

I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"

So I fucked her and disappeared.

My Favorite Pastime

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

Everything Has A Purpose

My wife and I were talking anatomy. She asked if I agreed that the body is a wonderful, perfect machine. I told her a woman's body has one purpose. She asked what?

I told her life support for her pussy.

And that's when the fight started...

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Go For The Gold!

I told my wife, "Honey, I bought some Olympic condoms today. I think I'll wear Gold tonight."

She replied, "Why not wear Silver and not finish first for a change?"

And that's when the fight started...

A Real Romantic

I asked my wife to give me a blow job. She said "Can't you be more romantic?"

So I told her "Sure, give me a blow job... in the rain."

And that's when the fight started...

I Like Big Butts...

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look too big.

I told her not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.

And that's when the fight started...