A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Is That Your Elbow, Or Are You Happy To See Me?

After checking in to a hotel, a man is gets into the elevator and accidentally rubs his elbow against a woman's breasts. He tells her, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, come to room 624."

That's The Whole Point

What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?

One prick and it's all over.

Advice For Newlyweds

Keep this in mind... a honeymoon should only be for six days. Why? Because seven days make a whole week.

In fact, don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a weak end.

Just sayin'...

Get Back In The Kitchen!

My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.

I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Facts Of Life

Little Johnny: "Where do babies come from?"

Mother: "The stork brings them."

Johnny: "Who fucks the stork?"

An Apple A Day...

A man walks into a bar and asks for rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, surprised, takes a bite of the apple and it tastes just like rum.

The bartender says, "Turn it around!" The man takes a bite and says, "Wow, and that's coke!"

Another man walks in and orders gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite. The man is surprised to taste tonic. The bartender tells him to flip it around and sure enough he tastes gin.

A third man comes into the bar and the other two guys excitedly tell him about the apples, "You can order anything you want and the bartender will give you an apple that tastes just like it!"

The new guy, not believing a word, says, "Oh yeah? Give me an apple that tastes like pussy." The bartender hands him an apple and the man takes a bite. He immediately spits it out and yells, "That tastes like shit!"

The bartender says, "Turn it around."

Grandma Is Rockin' The Boat

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.

She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."