A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
What's a pussy?
The box a dick comes in.
Did you see that one coming?
When I die, I want to go like my Grandfather...in his sleep.
Not screaming like the other passengers in his car.
When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."
When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"
And that's when the fight started...