Little Johnny was in sex ed class when the teacher began a discussion about genitals. Johnny shouted out, "My old man has got two of those"
The teacher was shocked and asked Johnny to explain.
"Well, the small one he uses when he takes a piss. And the large one he uses to brush the baby sitter's teeth."
A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and says, "Hello. I think I'd like to get to know you better. I'm 48 years old, I've been a Congressman for 10 years and I'm honest."
The girl says, "Nice to meet you. I'm 30 years old. I've been a hooker for 15 years and I'm a virgin."
What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
She just kinda lays there.
My wife was complaining I fart too much, so she ripped a big one right back at me. I asked her, "Honey, you never did that when we were dating. How come?"
She said, "'Cause I didn't get an asshole till we were married."
And that's when the fight started...