A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The bartender looks at him and says: "Hey matey, do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your dick?"
The pirate replies: "Arrrgh... and it's driving me nuts!"
Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"
"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"
Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
Johnson finds wife in bed with a friend, shoots him.
"Keep behaving like that you'll lose all your friends." she snaps at him.
And that's when the fight started...