A doctor examining a little old man tells him, "You're suffering from exhaustion. How often do you have sex?"
The old guy says, "Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday."
The doc says, "Well, that could be the problem. Maybe you should try eliminating Wednesdays."
The old guy replies, "I can't, Doc. That's the only night I go home."
Johnson's wife had been in a coma for four months. The nurses came to realise that she would move a little every time they washed her crotch area. Her doctor thought hard about this and asked Johnson to come to the hospital.
When he got there the doctor suggested perhaps if Johnson practiced oral sex with her she might wake out of the coma. Johnson said he would try anything and asked for some privacy.
Minutes later he came rushing out of the room shouting, "Doc, help, I think she's choking!"
When would you want a man's company?
When he owns it.
My wife was complaining I fart too much, so she ripped a big one right back at me. I asked her, "Honey, you never did that when we were dating. How come?"
She said, "'Cause I didn't get an asshole till we were married."
And that's when the fight started...