A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Proper Treatment

My wife remarked: "That Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. If I ever got it I think I'd shoot myself"

I replied: "You said that five minutes ago."

And that's when the fight started....

I Came All Over That Place

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.

On One Condition

A match asks if he can get into a dance club. The Bouncer says: "You can go in. Just don't start anything."

Not the Same Old Routine

My wife wanted to be a little playful, so she whispered: "Say dirty things to me!"

So I said: "Bathroom, kitchen, living room..."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

This One's About Tools

What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?

Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.

Who Was Your Kid Named After

We named our daughter after my wife's mother.

Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week.

And That's Why I Went Hungry

Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English, and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.

Jenny raises her hand and says: "'toast' -- t o a s t." Bobby says: "my turn teacher 'eggs' -- e g g s." Little Johnny shouts out" "'fucking nothing' -- f u c k i n g n o t h i n g."

The teacher is furious and makes Little Johnny stand in the corner till the end of the English lesson.

The next class is geography. The teacher puts a map up and asks the class who knows where the Polish border lies.

Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says: "He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got fucking nothing for breakfast!"