My wife and I went to counseling to improve our marriage. While attending one session dealing with communication, the counselor instructed: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
Looking at me she said: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
I looked over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
And that's when the fight started...
A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey, little girl, want a lollipop?"
The girls says "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your dick."
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, "I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car." The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"
She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."
I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...