Guy's making out with his girlfriend. Things start to get hot and heavy so he puts his hand under her skirt.
His girlfriend tells him: "You can't do that. My mother made me promise never to let a man put his hand under my skirt. But if you put your hand down my back, it'll be the second hole you come to."
What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives every woman wild?
A hundred dollar bill!
An accordion player and a banjo player are hired to play together on New Year's Eve.
At the end of the party, the guy who hired them says, "You guys were great. You want to play for me again next New Year's Eve?"
The banjo player says, "Sure. Can we leave our stuff?"
My wife and I were discussing the news. I said: "What's the big deal about same-sex marriage?"
She said: "You're right. We've been married for years, and we keep having the same lousy sex."
And that's when the fight started...