Best Type Of Birth Control

What's a birth control pill?

That's the other thing a girl can put in her mouth to keep from getting pregnant.

Some Things You Can't Change

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What night is it?

What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?

You at least take the trash out once a week.

I Hereby Sentence You

A husband gets home from his day in court on a traffic offense and his wife asks: "So, how did it go?"

The husband replies: "Well honey, I ended up in front of Judge Calloway, you remember, the judge who married us. Turns out he remembered me too... so I pleaded 'guilty with explanation' and he only gave me a small fine. That was way better than the last time, when you and I were in there together. That time he gave me life without the possibility of parole."

And that's when the fight started...