There's A Card For Everything
Hallmark Card fail:
"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."
Hallmark Card fail:
"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."
Three guys are arguing about who has the longest dick, and they decide the only way to find out once and for all is to go to the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building and hang them over the side.
The first guy says, "Check it out. My pecker reaches down to the 68th floor." The second guy says, "That's nothing. This beauty's dangling down past the 34th floor."
They look over and see the third guy jumping up and down and back and forth. The first guy yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?" He says, "Dodgin' traffic."
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
I thought I could please my wife by offering her a sumptuous breakfast in bed. So I asked her what would be her perfect breakfast.
She said: "My perfect breakfast would be a cup of gourmet coffee. Our son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Our daughter is on the cover of Business Week. And your face is on the back of the milk carton."
And that's when the fight started...