Two Syrian hookers were talking about their problems. One said: "With the Russians jumping into this war we've got soldiers lined up around the block. I need a break!"
Her girlfriend agreed: "Yeah... I think we need to declare a no fly zone."
What do all the female reindeer do when santa is busy working with the males on christmas eve?
Go into town and blow a couple of bucks!
Difference between a friend & a real friend?
A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.
My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.
I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"
And that's when the fight started...