My Last Gig

You know old Dick tries to stay pretty busy. Last week I did a benefit for the "Tempura House"... that's a shelter for lightly battered women.

Some Extra Cash

A hooker visits her doctor and asks him to put a hole in her hip.

The doc asks, "Why?"

The hooker tells him, "So I can do a little work on the side."

Never Stopped Talking

A guy says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”

The friend asks, “Why not?”

The guy tells him, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

A Dream Shattered

My wife came out of the shower, winked at me and said, "I shaved my pussy! You know what that means?"

I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

And that's when the fight started...