Out Of Warranty

When her car conks out the old lady pushes it into a gas station. Soon the mechanic has it purring like a kitten.
The old gal asks: "What's up?"
He tells her: "Crap in the carburetor."
She says: "How often do I have to do that?"

Don't Forget to Eat Your Veggies

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)

Don't Drink And Drive

Dick's Advice: Best way to avoid an alcohol-related accident? Get so fucked up you can't find your car.

A True Wonderment!

I saw my wife bought one of those new Wonder Bras.

Goofing around I told her: "You know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where your tits went."

And that's when the fight started...