A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Done to Perfection

Why does it hurt so much to fuck a chef?

He'll stick a fork in you to see if you're done.

Have You Upgraded To 4K?

At a party the other night I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "In HD" was not the best answer.

Going Postal

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Call A Cleaning Lady

My wife and I were discussing the current state of NASA and the space program. She asked: "Why do you think they never sent a woman to the moon?"

I told her: "'Cause it doesn't need cleaning."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Good Riddance

Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed.

His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"

To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married for 40 years."

This One's About Tools

What is the difference between a phillip and a flathead?

Easy! I can't flathead her ass with my dick.

All Sinners Must Come And Confess

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.