A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Mental Health

I turned my whole life around.

I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.

Facts About The Big City

The average vagina 8" deep, the average penis 5 1/2" long. Do the math. In New York City alone there's 165 miles of unused pussy.

Damn Good

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher quickly reponded, "No shit!"

Picture Perfect

I thought I could please my wife by offering her a sumptuous breakfast in bed. So I asked her what would be her perfect breakfast.

She said: "My perfect breakfast would be a cup of gourmet coffee. Our son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Our daughter is on the cover of Business Week. And your face is on the back of the milk carton."

And that's when the fight started...

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A Good Day on the High Seas

A good-looking teenage girl went out fishing with six older guys.

She came home with a red snapper.

Sign Of The Times

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

Mowing The Lawn

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the bike, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."

And that's when the fight started...