Morris walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I've got a constant erection. At first it was fun, but then it became painful and embarrassing."
He takes down his pants, and his hardon is sticking straight out. The doctor looks at it for a minute, then whacks it with two fingers. A little bug jumps off, scurries away and just like that the hardon goes right down.
Morris says, "Gee, Doc, that's great. How much do I owe you?"
The doctor says, "Help me find that bug and you don't owe me a thing."
A cop pulls a guy over one night for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we'll take a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
My wife stripped naked last night and stood on her head. I asked: "What the hell are you doing?"
She said: "Well... if you can't get it up again tonight, I thought maybe you could just drop it in!"
And that's when the fight started...