It's called St. Valentine's Day because "St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day" just didn't have the same ring to it.
What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being a retard.
I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:
"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."
So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.
"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."
And that's when the fight started...