A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

In the Family

The difference between a redneck & poor white trash? Redneck knocks his sister up, white trash marries her.

How To Score

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

A Change of Habit

Topless babe walks up to 2 guys on the beach wearing Hawaiian shirts. They look her up and down and smile. She smiles back and says: "Hello, Fathers."

One guy asks her: "How did you know we're priests?"

"I'm Sister Mary Kathryn. We take vacations, too."

Best If Used By

Wife asks her spouse: "What are you doing?" Her husband says: "Nothing." So she presses him: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for the last hour."

He tells her: "Well... yeah... I was looking for the expiration date."

And that's when the fight started...

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Dead Or Live?

A guy is interviewing a blonde for a job.

He says, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

She says, "The living one."

Pizza Has Arrived, Finally

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Lots Of Scarifies in Life

I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"

I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."

And that's when the fight started...