Johnson is standing on the train platform when the guy next to him waves and yells" "Goodbye! Your wife's a great fuck!"
Johnson is shocked and asks the guy: "Who were you yelling to?" The guy tells Johsnon: "That's my brother." "Wow" Johnson tells him, "That's incedibly insensitive!"
The guy says: "Actually I'm very sensitive. My brother's wife is a lousy fuck. I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together... what do you have?
100 people who don't do dick.
Why does a blonde have two more brain cells than a horse?
So she won't shit on the street during the parade.
The other day my wife and I were golfing when she suddenly asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" I told her, "No sweetie" but she shot right back with "Oh I'm sure you would." So to keep the peace I said "Okay, I would." Then she asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" and not knowing where this was going I told her, "Yeah... I guess so."
Finally she asked me, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" and I told her, "No, she's left handed."
And that's when the fight started...