My wife and I were discussing the current state of NASA and the space program. She asked: "Why do you think they never sent a woman to the moon?"
I told her: "'Cause it doesn't need cleaning."
And that's when the fight started...
How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?
You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.
A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. Each time he took a shot he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look, then stuck it back in his pocket. Finally, a friend walks up to him and asks: "Hey man. I've been watching you all night. What do you keep checking in your pocket?"
"That's a picture of my wife."
"So why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," he replied: "When she finally starts looking good, then it's time to go home."
A farmer bursts into the bedroom with his wife in bed and a sheep under his arm. He yells, "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache!" The wife looks up and says, "That's not pig dumbass, it's a sheep!"
The farmer looks over and shouts: "Quiet! I wasn't talking to you!"
And that's when the fight started...