A nun came to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear confession. "Today Father Johnson told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then he opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" said Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
What's the first thing a man would do if there were no women left on earth?
Invent a dishwasher that would suck his dick.
If a guy opens the car door for his wife you can be sure of 1 thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
My wife was curious. She asked: "When do married men stop jerking off?"
I told her: "When they get divorced."
And that's when the fight started...