A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

No Need To Call A Repairman

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Let The Force Be With You

If you force a prostitute to screw you, is it rape or shoplifting?

You choose.

Keep it Safe

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

A Case Of Beer

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look way better at night than any jar of cold cream.

And that's when the fight started...

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Advice For Prepared Citizens

If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove.

Your lawyer will thank you.

How Much Land Do You Own?

Three Texans are sitting on a bench together. One named Smith, one named Johnson, and the other one named Goldberg. Smith begins to brag about how much land he has, "500 acres with 1000 head of cattle I call it 'Smith Acres'"

Johnson says, "Yeah, not bad, but I have 1000 acres and 2000 head of cattle, I call it 'Johnson Estates'". Both Smith and Johnson look over at Goldberg and say, "So, how much land do you have?"

Goldberg says, "Well, I only have 75 acres." "75 acres!?!" they reply, "that's all? What that's called?"

Goldberg responds, "Downtown Houston".

Religious Instruction

Teacher: "What do you know about the Resurrection?"
 
Johnny: "If it lasts more than 4 hrs call your doctor."