The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"
She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."
A doctor is meeting with a husband after examining his wife. The doctor tells him: "Your wife's diagnosis is uncertain. She either has Aids or she has Alzheimers."
The husband asks: "What should I do, doc?"
The doctor advises him: "Drive her five miles outside of town and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
My wife wanted to go on a pleasure trip.
I told her: "Great, let's take your mother to the airport."
And that's when the fight started...