A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

My Last Gig

You know old Dick tries to stay pretty busy. Last week I did a benefit for the "Tempura House"... that's a shelter for lightly battered women.

She Doesn't Give A F*ck!

What do you get when cross an attorney with a feminist?

A lawyer who won't fuck you.

Location, Location, Location

Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."

Mom: "Did someone harass you?"

"Finally!"

Next It'll Say: Out Of Business

When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."

When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Just Like Your Father

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Keep It In The Family

A farmer bursts into the bedroom with his wife in bed and a sheep under his arm. He yells, "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache!" The wife looks up and says, "That's not pig dumbass, it's a sheep!"

The farmer looks over and shouts: "Quiet! I wasn't talking to you!"

And that's when the fight started...

And Now I'm Outta Here

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.