A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Vacation Postcard

What'd the bi-polar write on the picture postcard?

"Having a wonderful time. Wish I were dead."

Do What Mama Says

His date warned him: "My mama made me promise I'd say 'NO' to all your advances."

He says: "Sure, no problem. You wouldn't mind if I fucked you in the ass, would ya?"

What's Cookin'

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.

Sometimes There's No Right Answer

A husband asks his wife: "If I died, would you marry again?" The wife replies lovingly: "Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?"

The husband looks at her and says: "No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too."

And that's when the fight started..,

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Not So Bon Vivant

What do you call a guy who expects to get laid on the second date?

Slow.

What's That In Your Pants

My wife thought she would come on real sexy to distract me from the game. So she asked: "Honey, What do you have in your pants that's gonna wind up in my face?"

I looked up and said: "Wrinkles."

And that's when the fight started...

How Long Can You Go For?

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their sex lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."