99 Bottles Of Beer...

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

A beer in each hand.

Eyeglass Problem Solved

What should you do if your sister-in-law sits on your glasses & breaks them?

Take them off next time.

Not Even GPS Will Help

A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.

Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."

Sharing is Caring

My wife was at the sink grousing about the dishes again. She asked me: "How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?"

I told her: "Both of them."

And that's when the fight started...