One Or The Other For Sure

If a guy opens the car door for his wife you can be sure of 1 thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

My wife and I were discussing babies and she had a thought. "Why do doctors spank newborn babies?"

I told her: "To knock the dicks off the stupid ones."

And that's when the fight started...

I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?

She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."

And that's when the fight started...

Baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender says "What'll it be?"

Baby seal says "Anything but a Canadian Club."