My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.
I thought she was just shallow.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
So I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
When I was 16, my dad sat me down and said, "Dick, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle about the price."
