What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for assholes.
How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
Marry her.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After two years, the job still sucks.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!