When's it okay to spit in an Italian girl's face?
When her moustache is on fire.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A trip without the kids!
Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."
Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."
What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?
You at least take the trash out once a week.