Why did Santa get arrested?
He got caught laying Barbie under the Christmas tree!
How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
A blind guy in Macy's has his seeing-eye dog by the tail and is twirling it over his head.
A salesman walks up and asks: "Can I help you?"
The blind guy replies: "Nah. I'm just looking around."