My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.
I thought she was just shallow.
Wife: "Will you love me when I'm old and fat?"
Husband: "I do."
And that's when the fight started...
A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.
Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."
What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.
They're hiring.