What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.
A car salesman sits down at a bar next to a hooker.
He orders a drink and says: "If I don't sell some cars I'm going to lose my ass."
The hooker looks at him and says: "Yeah... well if I don't sell some ass I'm gonna lose my car."
I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
I said: "Yeah, but I do."
And that's when the fight started...
The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.
So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"